With Monday's tenth home game of the season in the books, the Washington Wizards regular season on F Street is now about a quarter complete and to date, we have not had a halftime show at Verizon Center. Now there's a total disclaimer to be made here. By halftime show, I don't mean some kids playing a game of basketball for a few minutes and I don't mean the newly rolled out Monumental Network Talent Showcase, which features local people doing what they do in front of crowds, sort of a low budget America's Got Talent I guess. We've had both of those things in spades this year.
By halftime show, I mean an honest to God, professional NBA halftime show like we used to get in years past. I thought the Collective Bargaining Agreement negotiated before the 2011-2012 season would put a few more dollars in the owners' pockets. I didn't see cutting the halftime entertainment budget as a realistic fallout of the new CBA. And I'm not asking for this every single game. I'm fine with kids playing hoops in the intermission every other game or two out of every three even. But let's get something different in the 14 minutes between the second and third quarters once in a while.
There's a little bit of an irony in me writing this post, because I generally don't care for the NBA's attitude that you must be entertained every minute that you are in the arena. I've claimed in the past, and I still maintain this attitude, that I am there to watch the game. I don't need fancy pyrotechnic laden player introductions, or stuff thrown into the crowd at every time out (although I pine for the suddenly extinct Chipotle Burrito Dash this year) or even, yes I'll say it, halftime shows. I also think there's a lot of merit in having local youth basketball teams come in and play on the Wizards court. I bet some of these kids are justifiably thrilled.
But over the last 13 years plus, there have genuinely been some halftime shows which are awesome, whether it's rescue dogs catching frisbees; Rubberboy stuffing his double jointed body through toilet seats and tennis racquets; guys jumping on trampolines in skis; or athletic displays like the University of Maryland Gymkhana and the Beale Street Flippers. Some of these shows are worth keeping my butt in my seats while the halftime speeches are going on in both locker rooms.
So let's assume for a moment that we will actually get real halftime shows at some point this season. I'd like to consider this post my pitch to management that if there's a tight budget for this stuff, put all your money on the biggest bang for the buck. I'll take 38 games worth of the Talent Showcase and kids chucking it at the hoop from the three point line if I can see my three favorite halftime shows of all time which I'll list in reverse order below.
Number Three: Red Panda
Contrary to the name, this halftime act does not feature any red pandas. Red Panda is actually an Asian woman riding an eight foot high unicycle flipping bowls onto her head while some vaguely Chinese (?) series of about 12 notes plays over and over and over again. Sound exciting? It actually is. The accuracy with which this woman flips bowls onto her head is astounding. I must have seen this act at least 10 times and I think she missed one flip once. The hypnotic rhythm of the music is mesmerizing too. I can sometimes hear that trademark sequence of notes at halftime when I'm watching the NBA on TV and I know exactly what's happening in the arena.
Every so often I think about ways people make a living and am baffled as to how some people make a buck. I'm not sure if this act is her profession, a side gig, a way of seeing the country one NBA arena at a time or whatever but I'd love to know just how she came up with this. Did she start out on a small unicycle and start flipping bowls onto her head or did she master a really high unicycle and then just get bored riding the thing around so added bowl flipping as a way to make it more interesting? And was the act a case of turning a hobby into a way to get some extra cash or was there a plan all along? Too many questions here. Some of these questions were answered when she appeared on America's Got Talent doing her thing. It's missing the music but check it out here.
Number Two: Drums of Thunder
There's something slightly off about a group of fourth and fifth graders from Montclair, New Jersey trained in their elementary school to play an elaborate percussion routine for paid engagements all over the mid-Atlantic with their band director, Louis D'Amico. I'm not sure how that works. Do the kids get paid? Does the school get part of the money? I mean this is a public school supported and funded by the state. Just like with Red Panda, there are questions I have about these guys that I probably won't ever know the answers to. But I know one thing for sure, these guys can play.
I never really embraced all percussion musical performances. I never got into the mostly percussion Carl Palmer side of Emerson Lake and Palmer's Works, Volume One although that may have been because that entire ELP project pretty much sucked. But listening to and watching Drums of Thunder multiple times makes one appreciate the difficulty and precision with which tens of elementary school kids play drums and cymbals in a completely coordinated fashion for six or seven minutes solid. And I always love the part of the show where D'Amico takes off his jacket and twirls it over his head and makes whoever is paying attention go crazy, even though I know it's coming every time. I'm not sure about the dancing routine that he's added in the last five years or so for some of the boys; that seems a bit sideways. Nonetheless, I'd love to see them back at Verizon Center sometime this year. Check out the video on the Drums of Thunder website.
Number One: Quick Change
And then there's Quick Change. Far and away way way way way better than any other halftime entertainment I have ever seen. It's almost not fair to label these two as halftime entertainment.
Their act, which involves an astounding number of costume and hair changes by primarily Dania but also by David, who orchestrates the whole affair, is literally one of the most amazing things I have ever seen in my life. I must have seen this act a dozen times from multiple locations in Verizon Center and I still can't figure out how the whole thing works even though it's right there in front of me and everyone else in the building. My friend Mike and I have had multiple discussions about how we have the whole thing figured out before watching Quick Change only to retract our statements right after we are done watching. I don't get it and I likely never will.
All of that, of course, is the reason why Quick Change is so compelling. It's magic and I know there's no such thing, but multiple watchings get me no closer to figuring out how they do it. I would take seeing these two this season only rather than having Red Panda and Drums of Thunder every year for the next three years. They are that good. I don't know what's going on with NBA halftime acts and America's Got Talent but just like Red Panda, they took their turn. The looks on the judges' faces are priceless.
The first quarter of the season is done. We still have three more to go. So if anyone in Wizards management happens to read this, please hear my plea and get the three acts above in place sometime during the 2013-2014 season. I'll thank you if you do.
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