NBA Mascot Rank Update 2015

Who'd have thought two years ago when I initially ranked the 30 NBA teams' mascots (note, not 30 mascots) that I'd have to update it one year later and then again this year. Not me. But such is life in the dynamic, ever-fickle world of NBA mascots. After an update last September to make sense of Hugo the Hornet returning to Charlotte; Pierre the Pelican being born and then switching beaks; not to mention the euthanasia of the BrooklyKnight, I'm back this year with yet another update. 

For sure, not much has changed since last year. In fact, there's only been one new mascot introduced and none have been removed so this should be fairly straightforward. But just for good measure I've shaken things up at the bottom a little and I renew my constant request for change in one NBA city. Let's get right to it. The rankings are, as always, in reverse order.

30. Los Angeles Clippers

Because of the Clippers horrendous 2015 re-brand (and I guess the fact that they signed Paul Pierce away from the Wizards), Los Angeles' second team finishes last in just about everything that I'm ranking that doesn't involve on court play. It's terrible. It's terrible. It's terrible. 

Now, there is a report that the Clips are bringing a mascot into the mix. Please don't rush this one, Steve Ballmer. Do it right. I don't have high hopes for this effort based on recent history but at least do enough to get above all the teams without a mascot. For now, you are last in everything.

29. New York Knicks

For the last couple of years, I have generally placed teams without mascots at the bottom of my ranking due to just lack of effort. This year I'm doing the same, but ranking those teams not on emotional concepts like "I used to be a Knicks fan" but instead based on order of finish in the prior NBA season. 

Last year the Knicks were a franchise history worst 17-65. The Knickerbockers had never finished with wins starting with a "1" in a season before. Last year they bested, or worsted if you prefer, the poorest Wizards showing since I've been a fan. Bravo, Knicks. Be thankful the Clippers re-branded.

28. Los Angeles Lakers

Speaking of historical worsts…

Just like the Knicks in New York, the Lakers also set a franchise mark for futility in a season in their current city. The Lakers' mark: 21-61. Ouch! It's so bad for their franchise that the list of season by season records on the Lakers' website doesn't even show last season. Their only saving graces? They had one season worse than last year while they were in Minneapolis, the Knicks were worse last year and the Clippers re-brand still sucks. 

I expect the link to Lakers' records to be fixed at some point. Just in case the like I provided doesn't work or is corrected…

27. Brooklyn Nets

Last year the Nets got a lot of credit for killing off their awful mascot. This year, they finish where they should based on lack of mascot effort and their on court performance. Think of a new mascot, Brooklyn.

26. Golden State Warriors

The dubs are the highest ranked team without a mascot this year in my mascot rank since they, um, just won the NBA title. Think the Warriors care they don't have a mascot? They shouldn't. Nor should they care about this blog post.

25. Boston Celtics

Still a dude obviously dressed in clothes. I cannot suspend imagination that it's anything but a human. Still last of the teams that actually bother to field a mascot.

24. Miami Heat

I still have no idea how to explain what Burnie is. I still love the name. I'm just at a loss. Not close to being passed by the C's but still last of the actual mascots.

Spots 23-17 are my non-sequitur spots. Mostly. These are mascots who when I look at them I have no idea what the team name would be. So just to prove a point, the teams are listed with their team names based on their mascots.

23. Houston Bears

The Houston franchise's mascot is named Clutch. Clutch is a bear. Should be a rocket I think. I'd settle for an astronaut.

22. Indiana Cats

Indiana's mascot is named Boomer. He's a cat. I'd take a horse or a racecar here. See my first discussion of Indiana's mascot for an explanation why.

21. Portland Cats

I guess it would be really confusing if two teams had the same nickname but that's the way it is. Blaze, like Boomer before him, is a pussy cat. I get that the Portland franchise has it tough mascot wise but nobody forced them to be called the Trail Blazers.

20. Toronto Raptors

OK, so Toronto's mascot is perfect for their name. Their name is just terrible. Huskies, please, Toronto.

Come on, Phoenix. You KNOW you want this guy as your mascot, right?

19. Phoenix Gorillas

I still can't fathom why the Phoenix team has an ape for a mascot and I still don't like it. Moreover, I still can't believe this mascot is revered by NBA fans. I've already pointed out a couple of times that scrapping Go the Gorilla would involve a small under the table payment to a certain breakfast sausage maker. You could even hire the same guy who plays the sun on the Jimmy Dean commercials, I'm sure. And yes, I know that it's obviously a dude dressed up as a sun and therefore should get the same scrutiny as the Celtics' obviously human mascot but I promise I'll rank you higher. Promise!

18. Memphis Pig-Bears

Squint and you could believe that Grizz the Bear is actually a bear. Or you could just as easily get a furry pig. Again, see my first discussion for the whole story. At least change the fur color to grizzly bear color, Memphis.

17. Utah Bears

What's the deal with bears and cats as mascots for teams not named the bears or cats? Utah's got the best looking one of the bunch so they finish highest. In a fight, I'm taking the Jazz Bear over Clutch any day.

16. Philadelphia Dogs

The Philadelphia franchise has the only new mascot this off-season and it's I guess good enough to finish at the top of the non sequitur group. Barely.

Philadelphia's new entry into the world of mascots is not a 76er as their actual franchise name would suggest. Nor is it a rabbit like their last mascot, Hip Hop (thank God!). Nope, it's some sort of blue cartoon-y dog named Franklin who vaguely resembles the dog Blue from the Blue's Clues kids book.

On the relevance scale, I'd say Franklin has none. He's passable on the appearance scale; I mean he's not ugly, is clearly not a cross species hybrid like Memphis' mascot and he has home and away jerseys which I love but also don't get (since mascots don't go to road games). The name is perfect for Philadelphia especially considering their introduction of a dribbling Ben Franklin as one of their alternate logos.

Franklin's an improvement over nothing, I guess, but he's only this high because NBA teams cannot for the life of them produce good mascots. We'll see how long the good people of Philadelphia let him stay around. On the other hand, that might be a while. Does anyone even go to Sixers' games anymore?

15. Cleveland Cavaliers

I still love Moondog. I still don't like C.C. I also still don't like the Cavaliers. Stuck in 15th again.

14. Minnesota Timberwolves

The Wolves have a wolf for their mascot. Awesome. It's still the worst looking relevant mascot of teams that have acceptable team names (see Toronto above for unacceptable team names).

13. Dallas Mavericks

Dallas' mascot is named champ. Might want to re-think that name soon. Maybe Former Champ?

12. Sacramento Kings

I still love Slamson's name and the fact that he's a lion. But man, this thing is not attractive at all.

11. Detroit Pistons

The Pistons are still getting more out of nothing than any other franchise with their mascot, Hooper. It's just not as good as the ten ahead of it.

10. New Orleans Pelicans

Pierre stays strong as the number ten entry in the Big Easy. I'll be down December 11 for the Wizards' annual game. Save me a seat. We can discuss how you can move up over a bowl of gumbo after the game.

9. Oklahoma City Thunder

What the Thunder can't do with their name and logo (that is...come up with a good one), they knock it out of the park and more with Rumble the Bison. How more perfect a mascot for a team in Oklahoma is there? I can't think of one. Consider a re-brand but don't get rid of Rumble.

8. Atlanta Hawks

Harry the Hawk drops a spot this year to eighth strictly on my kind imaginings of what this mascot is going to look like in that awful new Mr. Yuk green that the Hawks decided to use for one of their uni colors this year. I'll wait and see what happens but it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility for Harry to be much lower next year.

7. San Antonio Spurs

The first classic mascot that is not a gorilla in my opinion. Moves up a notch because the Hawks can't leave well enough alone. Probably belonged ahead of the Hawks anyway.

6. Denver Nuggets

Unlike Harry the Hawk, Rocky the Mountain Lion is good in any color. Holding strong at number six for the second year in a row.

5. Milwaukee Bucks

I love the Milwaukee Bucks' new colors and logos. Bango won't miss a beat in his new duds. Still have a soft spot for Milwaukee based on my trip there a couple of years ago but it's not affecting my ranking of Bango. Solid all around.

4. Chicago Bulls

You can't be the best in everything, Chicago. You won my logo rank earlier this summer. Benny stays (legitimately) at number four. And I really don't see any way you can move up unless the three ahead of you mess something up.

3. Orlando Magic

I still think Stuff is a crazy good mascot. Perfect look, perfect name and totally relevant. Nowhere else but Orlando…

2. Charlotte Hornets

Of all the classic mascots, Hugo is for sure the best. Pretty much perfect in every way. Just to clarify, my classic mascots sit at numbers seven, six, five, four and two in this ranking. And OK, if you want to include Go the Gorilla here, that's fine too. Those six are the Mount Rushmore plus two of NBA mascots. However, he's still not number one.

1. Washington Wizards

That's right, G Wiz is number one in my mascot rank for the third year in a row. How can you get any more awesome than this mascot? I don't see this ranking changing any time soon. Don't screw this one up Wizards.

Two disclaimers as usual here. (1) This is not a homer pick. G Wiz looks awesome, the name is relevant and he represents the nickname of the Washington franchise. (2) I'm pretending G Man doesn't exist.

45 Days to the season opener. I cannot wait!!!!

NBA Logo Rank, Part 4

Now things are getting good. Part four of my logo rank is peppered with some excellent graphic designs and for the first time, we actually see an entire family of logos with no missteps. Still some clunkers out there but the quality is greatly improved over part three. Let's see what we got.

12. New Orleans Pelicans

The New Orleans Pelicans are one of two franchises where three logos just wasn't enough. Oh no…for them there's a full five spot of logos to choose from. Some hit and some definitely miss wide of the mark by a good distance. But overall, there's more good than bad here. Let's start with the bad news.

I don't like the Pelicans primary logo (top left). I get that it's very New Orleans; I could see this thing gracing the front of some old paddleboat steaming up and down the Mississippi while a boatload (pun intended) of tourists check out the scenery on the banks and chow down on gumbo or red beans and rice. I appreciate the local flair but I don't like it as a basketball team logo. There's too much New Orleans and not enough hoops; I'd have killed myself for writing that in some other posts, right?

I also don't care for the Pels' fifth logo (bottom right), a weak "N"/"O"/basketball motif that somehow the Pelicans made available to themselves in four different color combinations.

Getting better, but still not there, I'm not crazy about the "NOLA" logo except I think it's more like a basketball logo than the two I have trashed so far. I really believe the Pelicans made some smart choices with their color scheme. Most logos would look good in the red, dark blue and gold colors they picked for their team. This one might have benefitted from the uni colors.

The last two logos, however, are strong to freaking awesome. I like the Pelican-de-lis a lot. It's completely New Orleans and concise enough to be a basketball centric logo at the same time. Don't get me wrong, it's no fleur-de-bee like the old Hornets had when they were in town, but I like it a lot. I especially like how the Pelican's beak forms the bottom spur of the fleur-de-lis.

And then there's the Crescent City Basketball logo, which I absolutely LOVE. New Orleans was originally laid out on a crescent shaped bend in the Mississippi River and acquired the nickname based on its early settlement patterns. This logo pays homage to that moniker and reflects a crescent shape a couple of times in the shadow on the basketball and the negative space above it. I think this logo is perfect for the city and those in the know about one of the city's other names.

So why only 12th? Well, I'm considering all logos here and the Pelicans' bad logos aren't enough to allow their good ones to soar. I've spent enough time here; let's move on.

11. Philadelphia 76ers

Oh, Philadelphia, you had it so right and you went and messed it up.

I LOVE the old 76ers logo. It's a basketball looked at almost straight on with that gorgeous "76" and the 13 original stars from the first Stars and Stripes floating above. It's graphically balanced and it's a perfect reflection of a basketball team named the 76ers. Admittedly, the old logo is much like the current primary logo (above left). But the old logo placed the ring of stars so it doesn't break the seam of the basketball. It's the small things in life sometimes. The Sixers used the old logo from 1977 to 1997 and brought it back just six years ago before tinkering. Should have left it alone.

Having said all that, the current logo is almost as good and I dare say I like the alternate logo on the right above just as much as the old logo that I love.

But Ben Franklin dribbling a basketball? This thing doesn't seem right, plus an 11 year old kid can't draw that. No way. I predict Ben will be shelved in the next few years. Heart's in the right place. I'm just not getting it.

Good show from the Sixers here. If they'd have left things alone they would have been top ten for sure.

10. Portland Trail Blazers

Of all the logos in the NBA, there has to be more confusion surrounding the Portland Trail Blazers logo than any other graphic representing a team. Let me explain why this logo is good enough for 10th in the league in this particular ranking.

Look at any other logo in the NBA and you could probably take a shot at guessing the team nickname. OK, maybe not the Magic but you would at least stand a chance of saying "oh, I get it!" when someone gave you the answer. And maybe not the Thunder either but after some cajoling and explaining, you might get it enough to beg off whatever Thunder fan was giving you a tutorial on the subject.

But the Blazers? The team that was named after the folks who moved out to Portland on the Oregon Trail. No way can you make sense of this. It didn't always look quite this way but it's close enough to the original to make a strong connection and the Blazers have stuck to this look in a totally unwavering fashion with the possible (and I mean very possible) inexcusable introduction of a less sensical secondary logo in 2002 that they killed four years later. Hooray for tradition!!!!

The reason the Portland Trail Blazers logo makes no sense is that it was generated from a when, not a what. And that's just the exact same reason it is so awesome. It's a design that signifies a modern (and by modern I mean 1970 when the Blazers entered the league) interpretation of the game of basketball. The five lines on each side of the center circle represent two teams of players working against each other in a game of hoops. Get it? It doesn't necessarily matter if you don't. I think it's so awesome that they commissioned this type of logo and stuck with it exclusively for 45 years. There's no other NBA logo like it. And there likely never will because there will likely never be another 1970.

9. Charlotte Hornets

The Hornets are another team (like the Pelicans) who can't seem to have enough logos. They actually have six but the other two not shown above are just variants of the primary logo on the left above.

I love pretty much everything about the Hornets re-brand. Anything in Charlotte (well, except a Raptors nickname) would have been an improvement over the dreadful Bobcats name. They could have just brought back the old friendly hornet from the late 1980s but I'm glad they didn't. I like the newer fiercer Hornets collection of logos better than the cuddly cartoon one.

Just like the Pelicans, I think this collection of logos is a bit of a mixed bag, although far superior to the Pels' choices. I like the primary logo. I think it's visually stunning on a first glance although I do think the appeal wears off over time. I'm not a fan of the second logo above (what I'll call the "Queen City" logo) which is very reminiscent of one of the old Bobcats' logos. I'm not knocking it just because it reminds me of the Bobcats; it's actually pretty awful other than the hexagonal shaped "C". I'm not sure if MJ told his re-branding firm to give him a discount if they could re-use one of the old Bobs' designs or what. Memo to the entire Hornets franchise: don't ever go back to anything even smacking of Bob Johnson's ego drive nickname.

But the last two logos on the right I really like. The hornet in profile looks dangerous in attack mode. It's dynamic and forceful and I love both the basketball in the hornet's venom filled belly and the fact that the hornet's attack stance makes an abstract "C". I also like the Buzz City logo inside the hexagonal hornet's nest cell shape, although I don't believe Charlotte is actually referred to as Buzz City except as the home of the Hornets. I still like it. I'd wear shirts with this logo on it.

8. Miami Heat

I hate the Miami Heat. I hate that they swept the Wizards 4-0 in the second round of the 2005 playoffs (long memory here) and I hate that they conspired to stack the deck against the rest of the league by teaming up LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh to make four straight finals. If it wasn't for the state of Texas, they might have won all four. Ha ha by the way.

I love the Miami Heat's primary logo. It's only slightly different in color from the original 1988 logo and that's quite honestly because whoever designed this logo got it right the first time. You never need to change this logo, Miami. EVER! I've written about how difficult it is to represent abstract terms like Magic and Thunder in logos. The Heat have done it perfectly here with their nickname. It simultaneously represents their name, the concept of heat and references basketball by showing a shot from an "on fire" shooter dropping through the hoop. Yes, I know, there's no net.

So on that basis, the Heat should be like top one or two right? Well…no, because in 2008, the Heat decided to introduce the absolutely horrendous "MH" alternate logo. I don't even want to write about this thing. It's clunky, ugly and I hate the way the M and the H are merged. You are costing your team a top spot here, alternate logo.

7. Golden State Warriors

To this point in my countdown, there have been no teams who's set of logos I like across the board. The Warriors change that. 

In 1969, the San Francisco Warriors introduced a new circular logo showing the Golden Gate Bridge in silhouette with the words "The City" above the logo. The current Warriors logo introduced in 2010 is an updated more modern version of that logo and it's a killer design. It represents the Bay Area, reflects the tradition of the Warriors and is worn on their uniforms in a way that no other logo in the NBA is. I love it. And I think so do the majority of other people across the league. 

I also really like the other two logos introduced by the team as part of their re-brand. Yes, the "W" in a circle is pretty simple but it's straightforward and elegant. I love the California map logo also. I am generally in favor of putting maps in any sort of graphic representation. This one works especially well because the Warriors are (currently) named after the entire state of California.

So why aren't the Warriors higher? Well, it's because while I can enjoy each of the logos on its own and as a total collection, there's nothing that amazing about any logo except the primary logo.

The last six are next. In alphabetical order by city: Boston Celtics, Chicago Bulls, Memphis Grizzlies, New York Knicks, San Antonio Spurs, Washington Wizards.

NBA Mascot Rank Update

August and September are without question the slowest months in the NBA schedule. These are the two months where I start to get the shakes waiting for the new season to start. There's only so much reviewing of the schedule I can do for those 61 days. So to keep myself busy the last two Augusts, I spent some time ranking team mascots (last year) and names (this year) from 1 to 30. Or perhaps more accurately from 30 to 1.

I had no intention to re-ranking the mascots since last year but the last 12 months have seen seismic shifts in the NBA mascot landscape and I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't provide an update before this coming season. So here's the updated list, in one post this year rather than five. Get ready for a whirlwind mascot tour.

30. Los Angeles Lakers: Last year the Lakers were tied with the 76ers, Clippers, Knicks and Pelicans for 26th through 30th place. This year, I've broken the tie and assigned actual rankings to each team; basically no more ties because ties just suck. The Lakers finish last because they have never made any effort to get a mascot and I like them less than the other team that's in this same category. Call it unfair if you will but it's my blog.

29. New York Knicks: The Knicks join the Lakers in the bottom two because they have also made no effort to ever get a mascot. They finish ahead of the Lakers because I used to be a Knicks fan.

28. Los Angeles Clippers: OK, I know what you are thinking. The Clippers haven't ever had a mascot either; how come they finish ahead of the Lakers and Knicks? Clipper Darrell. That's all I have to say. He keeps them from dead last.

27. Golden State Warriors: Last year the Warriors finished 25th because they axed their terrible mascot. This year they get no such bump because, well, they still haven't come up with a new mascot. The Warriors were actually tied with G Man (I split the Wizards' polar opposite in cool mascots last year) for 25th. This year, despite the fact that G Man is still around, I'm just ignoring his existence for the purposes of this post.

26. Philadelphia 76ers: The Sixers finish second in the No Mascot category (see number 16 below) because the last mascot they had, Hip-Hop the rabbit, was way worse than the Warriors' Thunder the blue muscled guy. They get more credit for offing the bunny than the dubs get for killing the blue freak.

25. Boston Celtics: The Celtics' Leprechaun mascot is still obviously a human dressed like a leprechaun. With all other mascots, I can suspend belief and imagine the furry outer mascot shell is real. With the C's mascot, I can't.

24. Miami Heat: Burnie, the Heat's I-have-no-idea-what-this-thing-is-supposed-to-be mascot slips two spots this year through no fault of his own I guess. The fact he's 24th is through fault of his own. I still have no idea what this thing is. Also, I dislike the Heat very much, so he gets no special favors from me.

23. Houston Rockets: I'm still confused by the bears and cats that have been adopted as mascots for teams that seem to have no ursine or feline affiliation. Clutch the Rockets Bear drops two spots along with the Heat's Burnie just because two teams moved ahead of him.

22. Indiana Pacers: The Pacers mascot, Boomer, is still a cat. I don't understand the connection. See the Rockets at number 23.

21. Portland Trail Blazers: Like Boomer, Blaze the Trail Cat is also still a cat. I don't understand the connection here either. See the Pacers at number 22 and the Rockets at number 23.

20. Toronto Raptors: The Raptors name is the worst nickname in the NBA hands down now that the Charlotte franchise has ditched the horrendous Bobcats name. Note to Toronto: switch your name to the Huskies, change mascots and you will for sure see a huge bump in this ranking. I guarantee top ten for at least one year. The Raps still finish ahead of a bunch of other teams because their horrible mascot at least matches their horrible name.

19. Phoenix Suns: A franchise named Suns has a gorilla for a mascot. I don't get it. Go the Gorilla is likely ranked too high. I'm probably conceding something to the fact that most people consider this to be an historically great mascot. I don't. Go should feel lucky to be ranked 19th here.

18. Memphis Grizzlies: The franchise name is Grizzlies; the mascot is a bear named Grizz. Congratulations, Memphis, you can match your mascot to your team name. Not everyone can. Just make it look more like a bear and you will see a bump in the future. Fix the nose at least.

17. Utah Jazz: Awful name for this franchise but it's not about the name here and their bear mascot, the imaginatively named "Jazz Bear" looks better than Memphis'. Also, I still believe there are bears in Utah, even though I still haven't checked.

16. Brooklyn Nets: Last year, the Brooklyn Nets had an awful mascot, the terrible BrooklyKnight who was  sort of a cross between a medieval knight and an urban superhero. The Knight was half scary and half ridiculous and had questionable, if any at all, relevance to the name of the team it was supposed to be representing. In July of this year, the Nets issued a statement that the Knight would no longer be the team's mascot, replacing him with absolutely nothing. Last year, the Nets finished 23rd in this ranking; this year, by fielding no mascot at all, they jump to 16th. Fantastic move!

15. Cleveland Cavaliers: I considered moving the Nets no mascot above the Cavs just simply because of LeBron James returning to Cleveland but ultimately my conscience got the better of me. It won't happen often with LeBron. The Cavs drop two spots to 15th. I still love Moondog. Cleveland, please get rid of Sir C.C. I'll move you up if you do.

14. Minnesota Timberwolves: Their mascot is still a wolf and is still too straightforward while also being non-threatening to get any sort of praise from me. Crunch is at 14th because there are an awful lot of awful mascots out there in the NBA.

13. Dallas Mavericks: I still love Champ. I'm still unconvinced that a horse is the right way to go here. Good enough for unlucky 13. No better this year.

12. Sacramento Kings: Last year, I considered my top 10 to be really the cream of the crop in mascot land. This year, it's the top 12. Unfortunately for Slamson, he's still on the bottom of this group. Good mascot. The worst of the best. Nothing to sneeze at.

11. Detroit Pistons: Nothing new to say here. Good looking mascot. Relevant to the Pistons in a clever way. Hooper is still a boring name, although it is still basketball themed, which I guess counts for something.

10. New Orleans Pelicans: This is the one I had been waiting for when I wrote my rankings last year. As of last August, the New Orleans franchise had a new name but had not unveiled their new mascot. This year, they have and they rocket up this ranking into the top 10. Pierre T. Pelican has to be the only mascot who underwent a makeover in his first year but the makeover was definitely the right thing to do. The original Pierre (shown at the top of this post) had some kind of godawful hard plastic orange beak that looked like he had swallowed a human heart or a small child's butt (I can't decide which). The Pels obviously realized this was a mistake and made it into an event. Halfway through the season, Pierre broke his beak and emerged from "surgery" with a softer, gentler beak. Magnifique!

9. Oklahoma City Thunder: I'm warming to Rumble, the Thunder mascot. I think this double entendre name represents the state of Oklahoma well. Also, I've seen Kevin Durant's movie Thunderstruck (or enough to understand the plot anyway) since last year and Rumble positively stars in that flick. Edges out Pierre because of the whole beak fiasco.

8. San Antonio Spurs: The Coyote had another stellar season, capped off by his Spurs knocking off the defending champion Heat (thank you, thank you, thank you). This accomplishment offsets the Coyote losing his eyes in a game this season. If I were a kid, I might be frightened by this.

7. Atlanta Hawks: What a mess Atlanta is these days. Bruce Levenson and Danny Ferry and the rest of the bunch down there in Georgia almost affected Harry the Hawk's hold on the seven spot. Harry's fortunate that the whole eyes thing happened in San Antonio.

6. Denver Nuggets: Rocky is still solid at number six. Down one spot from last year, we are still in hall of fame territory here.

5. Milwaukee Bucks: I had the chance to watch Bango in person since my last ranking in a very cold Milwaukee this past March. Not sure I'm heading north in winter too many times in the near future to watch hoops. I still love Bango though.

4. Chicago Bulls: Benny the Bull still keeping it real at number four. Down one from last year, but it's not his fault.

3. Orlando Magic: Stuff the Magic Dragon was my surprise pick at number two last year. It was even a surprise to me in many ways. This year Stuff is getting back towards the territory I think he should be in. Top three is still very impressive for something that looks like a larger deluxe version of Fuzzball from the Captain EO movie.

2. Charlotte Hornets: Hugo is back and all is right with the world. I hate praising the Hornets again (last month I ranked their team name number one in the NBA) but Hugo making his appearance back both in the league and in Charlotte is truly a sign that things are headed in the right direction. Hugo (like the rest of the Hornets' branding) is meaner and leaner this time around. No way are kids who are fans of the visiting team looking for a hug from this dude this time around. Welcome back, buddy. Much deserved.

1. Washington Wizards: G Wiz is still the best. It's still a homer pick but until we win an NBA title, I'm keeping G Wiz right here in the top spot so I can at least say we finished first in something.

That's it for this year. If I had my way, the Celtics, Raptors and Grizzlies should make some adjustments here. With the exception of the Raps (which involves an entire franchise re-brand) the minor tweaks to the Leprechaun and Grizz the bear would pay off instantly in these rankings. Think about it Boston and Memphis.

NBA Team Name Rank, Part 3

So here it is: Part 3 of my three part series of posts about how awesome or terrible or somewhere in between each NBA franchise's nickname is. Hopefully by now you have pored over the first two parts and are eagerly awaiting the listing of the top ten, culminating in the naming of a winner of sorts. Let's get right to it.

Category Nine: Good Stuff

So at this point, all the team nicknames are pretty good, meaning relevant and a little inventive and centered around things which are mostly readily identifiable. There are no more weather nicknames, no more non sequiturs and no more silliness (you know who I mean, Toronto Raptors). This late in the countdown, every team has some sort of legitimate credibility.

10. Boston Celtics / 9. New York Knicks

Their are many many similarities between the Boston and New York NBA franchises. They are the only two original NBA franchises who remain in their original cities; they both have winning traditions (stop laughing, Celtics fans); and they both named their teams after a portion of their own city's population.

The Celtics of course are named after the Irish immigrants that settled in Boston after the Great Irish Famine of the early to mid-1800s. Irish settlers were typically poor and had neither work nor food in their own country and so traveled across the Atlantic to the nearest possible port which is how a lot of them ended up in Boston. Once in Boston they formed a close knit community of lower class or blue collar workers. No nickname for a team in the late 1940s has a good chance of being all inclusive when it comes to describing a city's population. The Celtics name does a pretty good job though.

The Knicks are named after Father Knickerbocker, a city mascot of sorts that dates back to the days when the city was named New Amsterdam. The character was popularized in the early 1800s by Washington Irving and ultimately was adopted as a term to describe the city's aristocracy. Not as cool as working class Irish; I get it. But no opinion poll that I write where New York and Boston are tied will give the tiebreaker to Boston. The New York New Yorkers finish in ninth; the Boston Bostonians finish tenth.

8. Indiana Pacers

The American Basketball Association had some pretty good team names. Of the four franchises absorbed into the NBA as part of the NBA/ABA merger, three are in my top eight. The other one, the Nets, are not. The Indiana Pacers are the first of three consecutive former ABA franchises. I love the Pacers name because there is a dual meaning (just like the less impressive Thunder nickname).

There are two kinds of famous sporting races held in Indiana. The first and most famous is the Indianapolis 500 held annually at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Every one of those races has a pace car, which leads the field to the starting line. The second is a little known (at least to me outside of Indiana) horse racing tradition featuring harness racing pacers. Could the name be better? Sure, it could and it definitely causes mascot issues for the team. But it's better than most.

7. San Antonio Spurs

How scary is a spur? Well I think the answer is not very, unless you are a horse or in a fight with a dude using a spur as a weapon and you are (a) unarmed and (b) unable or unwilling to outrun him. But the Spurs name is perfect for a Texas team and it blows away the other two Texas franchises, the Mavericks and Rockets. There's an outlaw imagery about Texas more than any other state so I think the name works perfectly for a Lone Star State franchise, even if it is a clothing accessory of sorts.

6. Denver Nuggets

The first recorded gold find in what is now the state of Colorado was reported in 1850, when Lewis Ralston, a settler bound for California, dipped his pan into a river and discovered gold. I think if I had found some gold in a river on my way somewhere, I would have stuck around to see what else I could find but for whatever reason, Ralston did not. Instead he returned eight years later sparking the first of several gold rushes to Colorado. Denver had a small one that same year which ended quickly when prospectors determined there just wasn't a whole lot of gold around Denver.

There have been several Denver Nuggets teams over the years. The first was an AAU (Amateur Athletic Union) team founded in 1932. They were followed by an NBL franchise 80 years after the Pike's Peak Gold Rush. The present Nuggets came into existence in 1974 when the ABA's Denver Rockets switched nicknames in anticipation of an NBA/ABA merger (can't have two teams with the same name after all). I like the Nuggets nickname. It's not exactly fearsome but it's uniquely Denver. Good enough for sixth place anyway.

5. New Orleans Pelicans

The New Orleans Pelicans have played exactly one season in the NBA under their current name. Before the 2013-2014 season they were inappropriately named the Hornets (stay tuned for why it was inappropriate). When the franchise announced the decision to change the team name to the Pelicans, state bird of Louisiana by the way, they drew some fire from some folks. I mean who's going to be afraid of a Pelican?

At the time of the initial name change announcement, I wrote about how impressed I was with the team's decision to change it's name without a relocation effort. I remain as impressed, if not more so, today. Last January, I actually had the Knicks and Nuggets as better location specific nicknames; I may have re-considered since then. I just think it takes balls to do something that had only happened twice before in NBA history. And for those folks who think pelicans are not fearsome, ask the woman in the picture above. I love the Pelicans name!

4. Chicago Bulls

This past summer, I took a trip to Madrid and went to see a bullfight (however one-sided that turned out to be). Until then I didn't really understand how powerful and scary a bull can be, even one with a clear disadvantage to armed men who outnumber the creature. After that experience, one of the last things I want to be chased by is a bull. I can't imagine why anyone would consider running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain each year. I assume some of the folks in the photograph above might have regretted their decision to do so.

If there's a city with an NBA franchise that deserves the Bulls nickname, it's Chicago, so it's appropriate that their team carries that name. From the end of the Civil War to the early 1920's, more meat (mostly pigs and cattle) was processed in the city of Chicago than any other city in the world. No other American city is more identified with cattle slaughter (is that a good thing?) than the windy city. The Bulls name both reflects the history of the city and it ends up being way more than the city name with some arbitrary animal. Take that, Stuart Pritchard.

So I guess these guys are the original 76ers, right?

3. Philadelphia 76ers

The original Phildelphia NBA franchise was called the Warriors, who now reside in Oakland, California under the Golden State name. The folks that moved the Syracuse Nationals to the City of Brotherly Love in 1963 and renamed the team had a better idea.

No city except maybe Boston (and then only a maybe) was more important to the original 13 colonies' declaration of independence from Britain and the subsequent Revolutionary War. The Declaration of Independence document was signed there, Benjamin Franklin called the city home and the first Continental Congress was established there. Heck, if it hadn't been for slave owners in the south, Philadelphia might have become the capital of our nation. This was a tight call with the Bulls for the three spot but I'm giving the nod to Philly, despite the fact that a bull is way scarier than an 18th century American aristocrat with a pen.

2. Portland Trailblazers

One of the stories I love the most about American history is the expansion of the country west to the Pacific. From Lewis and Clark's search for the northwest passage to the annexation of parts of Mexico to the discovery of gold in California and Colorado to the settlement of vast tracts of available land in places like Oklahoma. I can't imagine how scary and wonderful expanding our nation west was for the people who did it in search of a better life for their families.

One of the most famous journeys west by regular people was the settlement of Oregon by the people who traveled to that territory via the Oregon Trail. The Trail connects Missouri to Oregon and is 2,200 miles long. I find it amazing that 400,000 people made the journey by foot and horse and wagon over an unpaved trail through sometimes hostile wilderness in a forty year span from about 1830 to about 1870. The Portland NBA franchise was another of the many named by public contest. The original winner of that contest was Pioneers, which works just great, but is shared by the nearby Lewis and Clark College. Trail Blazers finished second but won by disqualification of sorts. I like Trail Blazers better; I like it so much that I think it's second to only one other name.

1. Charlotte Hornets

I can't believe that any ranking system I created has the Charlotte Hornets at the number one spot but that's just what's happened here. Let me say it here so it's clear: I LOVE the Hornets name. I think it represents the very best of what a sports franchise name should be. It's ferocious, you can make a cute mascot out of it for the kids and it's location specific in a very obscure but very measureable and relevant way. This is a legit first place finish; I'm not just giving the Hornets a bump for ditching the Bobcats name a couple of months ago. Although honestly, they might have finished 30th with the old name.

As of this past spring, there have been two Charlotte Hornets franchises. The first was established as an expansion franchise in 1988 but split town for New Orleans in 2002 under a cloud of shadiness by the then owner, George Shinn. When the team headed south to the Crescent City, they kept the name for a bit until they decided that the Hornets name wasn't for them (see 5 above) and gave it up. Major props to Michael Jordan (did I really just write that?) for picking it up instantly and moving quickly to get the name back in the Queen City.

The original Hornets nickname (surprise, surprise!) was the result of a contest to name the team. I know, right? It's so surprising! Contests have yielded some crappy team names over the years (see 19 in Part 2). But this one is truly brilliant, plus if there were no contest here, we'd be rooting against the Charlotte Spirit. During the Revolutionary War, the British commander Lord Cornwallis referred to the city as a "veritable hornets' nest of rebellion" which inspired the name of a minor league baseball team in the city which was established in 1901. The name was later used for a World Football League team. Despite the borrowed or stolen name, this nickname wins my NBA team name rank.

So that's it. I'm still in disbelief that the Charlotte Hornets won anything I put my name to but that's the way it is. And since it's August 25 today, I think I can declare my project to rank all 30 NBA team nicknames a success. Now I have to think of something to do next August.

Brotherly Love

Stop number one of my March 2014 NBA and NBDL barnstorming tour is complete. This past weekend I spent my Friday and Saturday nights a couple of hours north of D.C. in the heart of Philadelphia knocking another Wizards' opponent's arena off my seen-'em-in person-on-the-road list. Now I'm down to just three more basketball cities (one NBA / two NBDL) to visit this month before what I hope will be the start of spring. It's about time, I think.

This was not my first trip to Philadelphia. I'd been there at least a half a dozen times before for various reasons. Astonishingly (to me), I'd never actually been to see the Liberty Bell on one of my past trips to the city so I made that my first priority Saturday morning. It was pretty much what I thought it would be: a series of interpretive exhibits about the history of the cracked bell followed by a chance to take a few snapshots of the item itself before exiting the building. I did learn that the bell was not known by the Liberty Bell until it was given that name by the abolitionist movement, who coined that name to point out the injustice of slavery in our nation. Who knew?

I followed the Liberty Bell up with a trek to the Philadelphia Art Museum, prominently sited at the end of Benjamin Franklin Boulevard, to check out the statue of Rocky while listening to Bill Conti's "Gonna Fly Now" on my iTouch before a couple of afternoon pints and a quick nap. Quite a contrast in tourist attractions, I know. One important touchstone of American history and a statue of someone who never existed for real. Go figure.

The main event for me in Philadelphia was the Wizards-76ers game that night and it turned out to be a good one. Despite an uneven performance that could be blamed on a triple overtime win in Toronto two days beforehand or the team missing Nenê and Kevin Seraphin with injury or just the Wizards' tendency to play at the level of their opponent every game, our team won this one going away and it was never really in doubt. The Wizards scored 41 in the first period including a monster 24 from Trevor Ariza on 6 for 6 from long distance and never looked back, even when Philly cut the deficit to six mid-way through the second quarter. Ariza ended up with 40 and John Wall ended up with 16 assists, all of which was enough to win by 19. This brings my Wizards road games record to 2-4, which is a damn sight better than 1-4 even though it's just one more win.

NBA Commissioner Adam Silver at the mic during the halftime ceremony.

The win was great and I like Philadelphia enough to spend a weekend there every now and then. But the real highlight of the evening was the Allen Iverson jersey retirement ceremony that took place during the halftime break. Rarely will I acknowledge that anything will trump a Wizards game for me, let alone something that happened at halftime of a Wizards game, but clearly this ceremony was more important for more than 99% of the people in the building than what took place on the court and that made it just as special than the Wizards taking home the victory.

 

Just to be clear I made the trip to Philly strictly for a Wizards Saturday night game, not for the Iverson jersey retirement ceremony. I circled this game when the NBA season schedule came out in August as a potential road game and bought some tickets on StubHub about a month later for a little more than $140 per as soon as I found some that I thought I couldn't pass up. I figured $143 a seat for third row center court was pretty good, even against a team that pretty much everyone had tanking for as many lottery combinations as possible.

 

Then in November the Sixers announced that they would be retiring Iverson's number 3 jersey at halftime of the game I just bought. Bonus! It's a good thing I bought early. It doesn't always pay off for me but it definitely did here. As of the Sunday before the game, the cheapest tickets on StubHub in the building were $100 for upper deck end seats. Seats comparable to the ones I snagged were $442. I would have stayed at home for those prices.

 

Saturday's game was not the first jersey retirement ceremony I have attended. The Wizards retired Earl Monroe's number 10 jersey a few years back at halftime of a game I watched from the upper deck of Verizon Center. But Earl Monroe in D.C. in 2007 is not Allen Iverson in Philadelphia in 2014. I doubt most people in Verizon Center that night had ever seen the Pearl play and they certainly didn't see him play in Washington because he was traded from the Bullets to the Knicks before the team moved out of Baltimore. Allen Iverson was playing in the NBA just four years ago and most everyone in the Wells Fargo Center can probably remember seeing him play either in person or on national TV for the Sixers. I know I could.

 

Iverson represented Philadelphia 76er basketball for ten plus seasons and showed a grit, fight and determination that belied his size and endeared him to home fans. He also helped usher in the hip hop era in the NBA, being one of the first superstars with neck tattoos and cornrows. He took the Sixers to their only NBA Finals since 1983 after the 2000-2001 season, the same year he also won the league's Most Valuable Player trophy. It was clear standing in the arena Saturday night that AI represented something very special to the city of Philadelphia even though he didn't manage to deliver a title to the city.

I rarely place a lot of stock in speeches the likes of which Iverson was supposed to and did deliver. There's always a lot of love and thanks given out and past differences with those to be thanked are usually forgotten or glossed over and indeed AI proved he was not Michael Jordan making his Hall of Fame induction speech and followed the script he was supposed to follow. But I believed in Iverson's proclaimed love of the city, Philadelphia fans and especially Larry Brown, the coach who helped the franchise get back to the Finals on 2001. I was touched by the humility he displayed (not necessarily an attribute he possessed while playing) and I thought the line "Y'all have to show me the fool that says dreams don't come true, 'cause they do." was the perfect ending to what could have been a fairly ordinary speech.

 

There's no doubt the whole building Saturday night belonged to Iverson for those fans who stuck around for the whole game (not a lot in the place by the middle of the third quarter by any means). There were auctions of Iverson memorabila on the concourse, giveaways for all fans in attendance and even a dude rendering a likeness of Iverson into some kid's hair while a crowd watched, which is about the strangest sports entertainment I've ever seen at an NBA game and that's saying something. I somehow left the game with a replica retired jersey banner and an AI 2001 MVP bobblehead. Not sure what I'm going to do with those. I mean I can't put a Sixers bobblehead on the same shelf as my Wiz bobbles, right?

Anyone want an Allen Iverson portrait in their hair? Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me!

Throughout the game Saturday night, the scoreboard screen played video messages from current and former NBA players who had played with or against Iverson. All the Sixers legends got deserved ovations and the love shown by the crowd for former 76ers still playing in the league like Lou Williams and Kyle Korver was impressive. Only two players delivering video tributes got booed: Carmelo Anthony (just a little) and LeBron James (a LOT!). I kinda like Sixers fans now.

 

At one point during a Sixers run during the second quarter, a Philly fan in front of me turned around and declared "we're going to win this game, you know." I've been to enough basketball games in my life to know that this game is a game of runs and you don't react to small comebacks during the game too optimistically. I was right. By the time the third quarter was a few minutes old, about all the fight was gone from the home team in addition to the guy sitting in front of me. I guess he didn't much believe what he said either. I did tell him the Wizards had to win the game, that I couldn't go back to D.C. without a win. Fortunately the Wizards made sure that I didn't have to. Up next tonight: Memphis during a snowfall that is snarling traffic everywhere. Should be an interesting house tonight.