Random Observations

It's been about a month since we've seen either John Wall or Markieff Morris on the court in a Wizards uniform and I was actually enjoying the team the Wizards are fielding these days. They were scrappy, they were trying hard, they move the ball well and they were winning, albeit at home more often than not and not necessarily against the cream of the NBA crop. Then they played the Cavs this past Tuesday and the Spurs two nights before that. Defense? What defense? Two big issues still loom over this team apart from their defensive prowess in the last week: (1) they have to (and I really mean HAVE to) fix that salary cap situation unless Ted Leonsis is on board with exceeding that luxury tax line next year and (2) I'm sure that Scott Brooks is going to hit the reset button on everything next season when Wall and Dwight Howard will be back in the starting lineup.

Do I still think the team should sell at the trading deadline and give up on their chances to make the playoffs and get out of the first round? You bet I do; they won't make it out of the first round anyway. In the meantime, I'm still heading to games will be rooting as hard as I can for the team.

Over the last couple of months it seems like there have been a bunch of really odd or random things happen around the court at Capital One Center. None of these things warrant a post in and of themselves so I've been saving these up for a compilation of random thoughts type post. I've now got enough to write a full post I think. Here goes nothing.

Why Do They Do That?

In about the first or second game of the season this year, I noticed the Wizards pep squad or ground crew or whatever they are moving a beige cloth over the center court logo and the two lanes under the baskets at either end of the court right before the starting lineups were announced. This didn't make any sense to me from my seat in the lower level, especially since they sometimes had to wait for the opposing team to get out of the way down at the far end (from my perspective) of the court so they could cover that lane.

Then I sat upstairs and lo and behold, there's some fancy pregame laser projection during the introductions. I assume this is part of the arena upgrades that happened this summer since I haven't noticed it before this year. I get that most people in Capital One Arena are likely not confused about this but I was and it's not a bad pregame effect. Definitely an improvement over past years. The view of what it's like from Section 415 is in the cover photo of this post.

Crowded House

I rarely hang around for halftime shows at Capital One Arena. I'm usually too busy heading somewhere in the building for a halftime beer and have been conditioned over the last few years to getting nothing but non-professional halftime performers (Red Panda, I miss you!). But earlier this month against Milwaukee I stuck around and witnessed what has to be the single most dense mass of people I've ever seen on a basketball court in person. It was some kind of coordinated cheer session with multiple multiple different groups. It was pretty stunning. See if you can see any reasonable space in the picture above. I can't.

Random Jerseys

Every so often, you'll see someone at a Wizards game with a completely random opponent jersey that just makes you wonder what was going on in their head to make them buy the jersey they have on. On MLK Day this year I walked by some dude wearing a number 7 Brandon Jennings Pistons jersey (I complimented him on his choice!) which amused me because I don't think Jennings' time in Detroit was especially notable. And yes, I do have Brendan Haywood, Andray Blatche and Chris Singleton jerseys in my closet at home.

But the one that got me most in recent memory was some guy in the second or third row at the Bucks game in early January wearing a T.J. Ford number 11 jersey. I get that Ford was a pretty high draft pick for the Milwaukee franchise back in 2003 but he only stuck around for three years (he was injured one of those three) and those were not particularly remarkable in any way. But his last year in a Bucks' jersey was 2006 for crying out loud. So this guy's been either stashing this thing in his closet waiting for his next NBA game to roll around or he wears this often to go see the Bucks play. Whatever's going on, this guy has my complete and utter respect. This is solid.

Where's G-Man?

For the first time in like forever (at least that's the way it works in my memory) during the Philly game (great win by the way) on January 9, the Secret Service Dunkers made an appearance. I don't really go for any sort of timeout type entertainment but there's something about these guys that I love. Might be the name and the uniforms, which I think are super creative and super Washington, D.C. It's certainly not the dunking, which I guess is what they are really all about. 

They were introduced that Wednesday night not as the Secret Service Dunkers but as G-Man and the Secret Service Dunkers. They even had that name on the large red mat they land on after they dunk. Only...no G-Man. There hasn't been any G-Man in years has there? Didn't the Wizards kill him off like four or five years ago? I can't remember seeing him recently and he wasn't there during the game against the Sixers. Yet he was introduced and his name is on the equipment. Is Ted just too cheap to spring for a new pad?

Beal vs. Wall

In the offseason three years ago, Monumental Sports installed a Wizards Franchise History display that showed the history of the team's primary uniform all the way from the franchise's inception in Chicago in 1961 to today. Or at least through the 2015 offseason anyway. The display is shown in the photograph above and features jerseys all the way from Walt Bellamy with the Chicago Packers (number 8 top left) to John Wall (number 2 top right) with today's team.

In the last couple of months or so, the team has swapped out the current primary road uniform (what Nike now calls the Icon Edition) for this season't City Edition, the black version of last year's white City Edition featuring not Washington or Wizards across the chest but The District of Columbia. It makes sense, right? I mean you want the hottest version of your unis in a case like this I guess so more people will go out and buy one.

The only curious thing is they switched John Wall's jersey out for a Bradley Beal jersey. Because Wall's injured I guess???

I'll end with that. Milwaukee up next Saturday night. Assuming it's going to be a little more difficult this time.

Wall out. Beal in.

NBA Mascot Rank 2016 Update

If you had told me back in 2013 when I first ranked every mascot in the NBA that I'd have to update the list each year for the subsequent three years, I would have said you were crazy. But...here we are in 2016 and I've updated this list every summer since I first published those pixels three years ago. First, the Hornets moved back to Charlotte; the Nets killed off their knight in shining armor; and the New Orleans franchise got themselves a pelican as a mascot. Last year the waters calmed a bit; the only movement was the Philadelphia 76ers introducing a new mascot. This year...well, read on.

Just like last year and the year before, we'll be covering this topic in one post starting at 30 and ending at number 1 and I'm not even going to hold you in too much suspense about the top spot: once again, our Washington Wizards mascot, G Wiz, owns the top spot. There's still nobody who can touch this guy. Perfect name, look and team association which is the holy trinity of mascot-ness as defined by me. Yes, it's a homer pick; no, I don't care. LeBron gets away with fouls and travels all the time so my mascot post has G Wiz at the top every year. Let's get right to it.

30. Los Angeles Lakers

29. Brooklyn Nets

28. New York Knicks

27. Golden State Warriors

What do these four teams have in common? One thing: no mascot. So...no effort from them means no effort from me. They get stuck at the bottom no matter how bad the mascot name, mascot appearance or team relevance of any other actual mascot in the NBA is. You get points for trying in this listing, which I get is sort of like getting a participation trophy but not really, right? 

The four teams occupying spots 27 through 30 are once again listed in reverse order of finish from the prior season. In the sequence they are listed...the Lakers once again set a franchise record for losses in a season (two years in a row - woo hoo!) and failed to make the playoffs for three straight years for the first time in their history; the Nets are just bad; the Knicks are perennial underperformers (you wanted to go there, right, 'Melo?); and the Warriors just set an NBA record for regular season wins buuuuut...failed to win a second straight NBA title ("Thanks, Keke" - LeBron). Despite the Dubs' greatness, they ain't moving ahead of another team making some sort of attempt. Collectively, these teams dropped an average of one spot this year because some other team DID make an attempt.

26. Boston Celtics

It's still a dude in a leprechaun costume, Boston fans. And it's still no damn good. I don't care if you have won 17 NBA titles, your "mascot", if you can even call it that, still sucks.

25. Miami Heat

Burnie, I still have no idea what you are. Are you supposed to be a flame or something? Don't get it at all. Just don't. Not sure how you get a better mascot to represent Heat, although you could use the sun since Phoenix refuses to. Might be an idea there. I've pitched hiring the Jimmy Dean sun last year to the Suns. Maybe I was talking to the wrong team. Jimmy Dean's toll free number is 1-800-925-3326. Tell them I sent you.

24. Houston Bears / Rockets

23. Indiana Cats / Pacers

22. Portland Cats / Trail Blazers

21. Phoenix Gorillas / Suns

20. Memphis Pig-Bears / Grizzlies

19. Utah Bears / Jazz

18. Philadelphia Dogs / 76ers

Want to pick a mascot that in no way represents your franchise? Meet these seven teams, a group of folks so befuddled by their own nicknames that they picked an animal that has pretty much nothing to do with their team name. I don't think "bear" when someone says "rocket" or "jazz" nor do I think "gorilla" when I hear the word "sun". It's a game of word association gone horribly wrong. For six of these teams, there's just one way out: change the name of the team or get an appropriate mascot (I guess that's two ways out actually). For the Memphis Grizzlies, there's a simpler solution: just build a better bear, one that doesn't look like a pig mated with a bear. There's a Build-A-Bear Workshop at the nearby Wolfchase Galleria Mall at 2760 North Germantown Parkway. Tell them you need a new mascot and that I sent you.

17. Toronto Raptors

I felt like a hypocrite last year sticking the Raptor, who looks very much like a dinosaur, the exact thing that Toronto's franchise is named for, in with a bunch of impostors. As much as I hate the Toronto franchise's name, I can't fault their choice of mascots. It's perfect except for the generic name. This year, Toronto makes a three spot jump up to 20. If you are grateful, Toronto Raptors, feel free to drop some poutine or perhaps more appropriately a couple of bags of Ruffles Poutine flavored potato chips in the mail. And yes, this is pretty much a gratuitous effort just to show everyone a picture of Poutine flavored Ruffles. News flash: they pair surprisingly well with a nice glass of Cabernet Sauvignon.

Thanks, Larry. These things were pretty good if you can't get the real thing.

16. Cleveland Cavaliers

I hate the Cleveland Cavaliers. More than ever. Putting them at the 16 spot proves I'm a bigger person. At least I like to think so anyway.

15. Minnesota Timberwolves

It's a wolf! That's as excited as I will ever get about the current T-Wolves mascot. I think Ricky Rubio would be better in the role. It would for sure be an upgrade for me.

14. Dallas Mavericks

The Mavs' mascot, Champ, stars in the absolute best basketball commercial ever. produced by an NBA team. His effort in the Mavs gameday commercial with Dirk Nowitzki puts to shame the Kwame Brown / Steve Blake "Wizards group seats. Now on sale!" commercial from years ago. Dirk and Champ are way better. And not just in the commercials. Yep, I'm in a ditch here. But watch the commercial. Champ still finishes 14th.

13. Sacramento Kings

The Kings upgraded their branding significantly in the offseason. So far no sign of ditching the ugly stick that they hit Slamson the lion with each season. I think it's amazing that as ugly as this mascot is, there's still are still 12 teams with worse mascots. And yes, I'm counting the Cs in this one despite it really being just a dude dressed up as a leprechaun. Don't worry, I'll get to the Kings' rebrand soon enough.

12. Detroit Pistons

I still have a soft spot for Hooper but that only gets him to number 12 in this countdown, which is (shock!) a drop of one spot. If I were a Pistons fan, there's a possibility I'd put Hooper higher. Of course, if I was a Pistons fan, I'd have been celebrating a championship in this century and wouldn't need to put him any higher to make myself feel better about being a fan. See number 1 below for more on that.

11. Los Angeles Clippers

The huge news on the NBA mascot front in 2016 is the Clippers' introduction of their new mascot, Chuck. I like Chuck a lot. I think his name is great (Chuck Taylor's anyone?) and he's a well designed mascot. Not crazy about the 213 number (Los Angeles' area code) but it's better than the star that our own G Wiz has worn for a number some years. But honestly, my first reaction when I saw Chuck was "the Clips picked a dodo for a mascot?" 

Turns out he's not a dodo but actually a California condor, which makes way more sense than a dodo, which were native to Madagascar and nowhere else. There are a number of things to like about Chuck's mascot-ness: (1) he looks good and he actually looks like a bird; (2) I love the basketball sneaker-rooted name reinforced by the fact that he's actually wearing some Chuck Taylor high tops; and (3) he's place relevant; California condors are obviously named for the Clippers' current home state, even though they also live in Utah, Arizona and Mexico. Last year the Clips came in at number 30 based on their horrible re-brand. Chuck saves them a bit. Now about those unis and that logo...

The dodo from Walt Disney's Alice In Wonderland; tell me this isn't a dead ringer for Chuck.

10. New Orleans Pelicans

Laissez les bon temps roulez, Pierre! I still love the Pels' name, mascot and mascot name. And pelicans can be fierce!

9. Atlanta Hawks

Harry the Hawk drops a spot this year as I suspected he might last year. The Atlanta Hawks new unis, as cool as the embossed diamond pattern on them is, are just awful with that neon yellow color. So until Harry ditches the current unis, he's unlikely to get higher than 9th anytime soon.

8. Oklahoma City Thunder

If Rumble the Bison moving up a notch in my mascot rank lessens the sting of Kevin Durant taking his talents the bay, then I'm happy for them. Of course, if it does, then the entire Thunder organization is missing the point. I'm sure they don't care where Rumble ends up on this list. Great look, great name and perfect embodiment of this franchise when it's oh so difficult to represent a noise as a team name.

7. San Antonio Spurs

6. Denver Nuggets

5. Milwaukee Bucks

4. Chicago Bulls

This Gang of Four is what I consider the NBA's classic mascots. Solid. Steady. Good looking. Repping their teams and/or cities legitimately. And those names: Benny. Bango (named after longtime play by play man Eddie Doucette's signature phrase). Rocky. And then there's The Coyote. Come on, San Antonio!! Really? Maybe the Raptors were just following your lead with their generic name hoping they would be as good. If there are mascot role models out there for aspiring NBA mascots, these guys are the nuts. After all that, there are still better mascots. Well, just three. But still. Better.

3. Orlando Magic

Top three time and this year's top three are exactly the same as last year's and the previous years. These three teams ain't messing with success and I'm not moving them down until they do or until someone comes up with a better mascot from teams four through 30.

Stuff the Magic Dragon continues to amaze me with how many layers of complexity this mascot boasts. It's mascot-ness is just simply genius. And I don't mean just that the name is awesome, the appearance is sound and it fits the team nickname. This is just an amazing mascot in the tradition of the Philadelphia Phillies' Philly Phanatic. It looks chaotic and does crazy stuff but it still manages to hold it's grace under pressure. Well done. Solid number three!

2. Charlotte Hornets

Hugo the Hornet down in Charlotte is sort of the anti-Stuff the Magic Dragon but he's got as much if not more going on. Where Stuff is crazy and out of control, Hugo is composed and never shaken. He's got it together at all times.

If there's a more successful re-brand of a sports team than Michael Jordan bringing the Hornets name back to Charlotte, I can't think of it. It was good before the team split for New Orleans more than a decade ago but the logo re-design and court re-design are spectacular. Hugo didn't get a lot of upgrades but they made him less cuddly which is OK. He's sort of a badass and he knows it.

1. Washington Wizards

So after all that, what can I say about G Wiz? He's simply the best again and likely always will be. I'll concede the team name, the team's logo and any sort of success year after pathetic year on the court, but I'm not giving up G Wiz's number on spot on this countdown. For me, G is the consummate team mascot for a team with the name Wizards. And his case is only made stronger by the (apparent) death of G Man, who I can't remember showing up at VC in a while and who I panned in my initial ranking.

Four years, four number one homer picks on this blog. In 2016, G Wiz takes the trophy again. Bring it on, rest of the NBA!

NBA Mascot Rank Update 2015

Who'd have thought two years ago when I initially ranked the 30 NBA teams' mascots (note, not 30 mascots) that I'd have to update it one year later and then again this year. Not me. But such is life in the dynamic, ever-fickle world of NBA mascots. After an update last September to make sense of Hugo the Hornet returning to Charlotte; Pierre the Pelican being born and then switching beaks; not to mention the euthanasia of the BrooklyKnight, I'm back this year with yet another update. 

For sure, not much has changed since last year. In fact, there's only been one new mascot introduced and none have been removed so this should be fairly straightforward. But just for good measure I've shaken things up at the bottom a little and I renew my constant request for change in one NBA city. Let's get right to it. The rankings are, as always, in reverse order.

30. Los Angeles Clippers

Because of the Clippers horrendous 2015 re-brand (and I guess the fact that they signed Paul Pierce away from the Wizards), Los Angeles' second team finishes last in just about everything that I'm ranking that doesn't involve on court play. It's terrible. It's terrible. It's terrible. 

Now, there is a report that the Clips are bringing a mascot into the mix. Please don't rush this one, Steve Ballmer. Do it right. I don't have high hopes for this effort based on recent history but at least do enough to get above all the teams without a mascot. For now, you are last in everything.

29. New York Knicks

For the last couple of years, I have generally placed teams without mascots at the bottom of my ranking due to just lack of effort. This year I'm doing the same, but ranking those teams not on emotional concepts like "I used to be a Knicks fan" but instead based on order of finish in the prior NBA season. 

Last year the Knicks were a franchise history worst 17-65. The Knickerbockers had never finished with wins starting with a "1" in a season before. Last year they bested, or worsted if you prefer, the poorest Wizards showing since I've been a fan. Bravo, Knicks. Be thankful the Clippers re-branded.

28. Los Angeles Lakers

Speaking of historical worsts…

Just like the Knicks in New York, the Lakers also set a franchise mark for futility in a season in their current city. The Lakers' mark: 21-61. Ouch! It's so bad for their franchise that the list of season by season records on the Lakers' website doesn't even show last season. Their only saving graces? They had one season worse than last year while they were in Minneapolis, the Knicks were worse last year and the Clippers re-brand still sucks. 

I expect the link to Lakers' records to be fixed at some point. Just in case the like I provided doesn't work or is corrected…

27. Brooklyn Nets

Last year the Nets got a lot of credit for killing off their awful mascot. This year, they finish where they should based on lack of mascot effort and their on court performance. Think of a new mascot, Brooklyn.

26. Golden State Warriors

The dubs are the highest ranked team without a mascot this year in my mascot rank since they, um, just won the NBA title. Think the Warriors care they don't have a mascot? They shouldn't. Nor should they care about this blog post.

25. Boston Celtics

Still a dude obviously dressed in clothes. I cannot suspend imagination that it's anything but a human. Still last of the teams that actually bother to field a mascot.

24. Miami Heat

I still have no idea how to explain what Burnie is. I still love the name. I'm just at a loss. Not close to being passed by the C's but still last of the actual mascots.

Spots 23-17 are my non-sequitur spots. Mostly. These are mascots who when I look at them I have no idea what the team name would be. So just to prove a point, the teams are listed with their team names based on their mascots.

23. Houston Bears

The Houston franchise's mascot is named Clutch. Clutch is a bear. Should be a rocket I think. I'd settle for an astronaut.

22. Indiana Cats

Indiana's mascot is named Boomer. He's a cat. I'd take a horse or a racecar here. See my first discussion of Indiana's mascot for an explanation why.

21. Portland Cats

I guess it would be really confusing if two teams had the same nickname but that's the way it is. Blaze, like Boomer before him, is a pussy cat. I get that the Portland franchise has it tough mascot wise but nobody forced them to be called the Trail Blazers.

20. Toronto Raptors

OK, so Toronto's mascot is perfect for their name. Their name is just terrible. Huskies, please, Toronto.

Come on, Phoenix. You KNOW you want this guy as your mascot, right?

19. Phoenix Gorillas

I still can't fathom why the Phoenix team has an ape for a mascot and I still don't like it. Moreover, I still can't believe this mascot is revered by NBA fans. I've already pointed out a couple of times that scrapping Go the Gorilla would involve a small under the table payment to a certain breakfast sausage maker. You could even hire the same guy who plays the sun on the Jimmy Dean commercials, I'm sure. And yes, I know that it's obviously a dude dressed up as a sun and therefore should get the same scrutiny as the Celtics' obviously human mascot but I promise I'll rank you higher. Promise!

18. Memphis Pig-Bears

Squint and you could believe that Grizz the Bear is actually a bear. Or you could just as easily get a furry pig. Again, see my first discussion for the whole story. At least change the fur color to grizzly bear color, Memphis.

17. Utah Bears

What's the deal with bears and cats as mascots for teams not named the bears or cats? Utah's got the best looking one of the bunch so they finish highest. In a fight, I'm taking the Jazz Bear over Clutch any day.

16. Philadelphia Dogs

The Philadelphia franchise has the only new mascot this off-season and it's I guess good enough to finish at the top of the non sequitur group. Barely.

Philadelphia's new entry into the world of mascots is not a 76er as their actual franchise name would suggest. Nor is it a rabbit like their last mascot, Hip Hop (thank God!). Nope, it's some sort of blue cartoon-y dog named Franklin who vaguely resembles the dog Blue from the Blue's Clues kids book.

On the relevance scale, I'd say Franklin has none. He's passable on the appearance scale; I mean he's not ugly, is clearly not a cross species hybrid like Memphis' mascot and he has home and away jerseys which I love but also don't get (since mascots don't go to road games). The name is perfect for Philadelphia especially considering their introduction of a dribbling Ben Franklin as one of their alternate logos.

Franklin's an improvement over nothing, I guess, but he's only this high because NBA teams cannot for the life of them produce good mascots. We'll see how long the good people of Philadelphia let him stay around. On the other hand, that might be a while. Does anyone even go to Sixers' games anymore?

15. Cleveland Cavaliers

I still love Moondog. I still don't like C.C. I also still don't like the Cavaliers. Stuck in 15th again.

14. Minnesota Timberwolves

The Wolves have a wolf for their mascot. Awesome. It's still the worst looking relevant mascot of teams that have acceptable team names (see Toronto above for unacceptable team names).

13. Dallas Mavericks

Dallas' mascot is named champ. Might want to re-think that name soon. Maybe Former Champ?

12. Sacramento Kings

I still love Slamson's name and the fact that he's a lion. But man, this thing is not attractive at all.

11. Detroit Pistons

The Pistons are still getting more out of nothing than any other franchise with their mascot, Hooper. It's just not as good as the ten ahead of it.

10. New Orleans Pelicans

Pierre stays strong as the number ten entry in the Big Easy. I'll be down December 11 for the Wizards' annual game. Save me a seat. We can discuss how you can move up over a bowl of gumbo after the game.

9. Oklahoma City Thunder

What the Thunder can't do with their name and logo (that is...come up with a good one), they knock it out of the park and more with Rumble the Bison. How more perfect a mascot for a team in Oklahoma is there? I can't think of one. Consider a re-brand but don't get rid of Rumble.

8. Atlanta Hawks

Harry the Hawk drops a spot this year to eighth strictly on my kind imaginings of what this mascot is going to look like in that awful new Mr. Yuk green that the Hawks decided to use for one of their uni colors this year. I'll wait and see what happens but it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility for Harry to be much lower next year.

7. San Antonio Spurs

The first classic mascot that is not a gorilla in my opinion. Moves up a notch because the Hawks can't leave well enough alone. Probably belonged ahead of the Hawks anyway.

6. Denver Nuggets

Unlike Harry the Hawk, Rocky the Mountain Lion is good in any color. Holding strong at number six for the second year in a row.

5. Milwaukee Bucks

I love the Milwaukee Bucks' new colors and logos. Bango won't miss a beat in his new duds. Still have a soft spot for Milwaukee based on my trip there a couple of years ago but it's not affecting my ranking of Bango. Solid all around.

4. Chicago Bulls

You can't be the best in everything, Chicago. You won my logo rank earlier this summer. Benny stays (legitimately) at number four. And I really don't see any way you can move up unless the three ahead of you mess something up.

3. Orlando Magic

I still think Stuff is a crazy good mascot. Perfect look, perfect name and totally relevant. Nowhere else but Orlando…

2. Charlotte Hornets

Of all the classic mascots, Hugo is for sure the best. Pretty much perfect in every way. Just to clarify, my classic mascots sit at numbers seven, six, five, four and two in this ranking. And OK, if you want to include Go the Gorilla here, that's fine too. Those six are the Mount Rushmore plus two of NBA mascots. However, he's still not number one.

1. Washington Wizards

That's right, G Wiz is number one in my mascot rank for the third year in a row. How can you get any more awesome than this mascot? I don't see this ranking changing any time soon. Don't screw this one up Wizards.

Two disclaimers as usual here. (1) This is not a homer pick. G Wiz looks awesome, the name is relevant and he represents the nickname of the Washington franchise. (2) I'm pretending G Man doesn't exist.

45 Days to the season opener. I cannot wait!!!!

NBA Mascot Rank Update

August and September are without question the slowest months in the NBA schedule. These are the two months where I start to get the shakes waiting for the new season to start. There's only so much reviewing of the schedule I can do for those 61 days. So to keep myself busy the last two Augusts, I spent some time ranking team mascots (last year) and names (this year) from 1 to 30. Or perhaps more accurately from 30 to 1.

I had no intention to re-ranking the mascots since last year but the last 12 months have seen seismic shifts in the NBA mascot landscape and I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't provide an update before this coming season. So here's the updated list, in one post this year rather than five. Get ready for a whirlwind mascot tour.

30. Los Angeles Lakers: Last year the Lakers were tied with the 76ers, Clippers, Knicks and Pelicans for 26th through 30th place. This year, I've broken the tie and assigned actual rankings to each team; basically no more ties because ties just suck. The Lakers finish last because they have never made any effort to get a mascot and I like them less than the other team that's in this same category. Call it unfair if you will but it's my blog.

29. New York Knicks: The Knicks join the Lakers in the bottom two because they have also made no effort to ever get a mascot. They finish ahead of the Lakers because I used to be a Knicks fan.

28. Los Angeles Clippers: OK, I know what you are thinking. The Clippers haven't ever had a mascot either; how come they finish ahead of the Lakers and Knicks? Clipper Darrell. That's all I have to say. He keeps them from dead last.

27. Golden State Warriors: Last year the Warriors finished 25th because they axed their terrible mascot. This year they get no such bump because, well, they still haven't come up with a new mascot. The Warriors were actually tied with G Man (I split the Wizards' polar opposite in cool mascots last year) for 25th. This year, despite the fact that G Man is still around, I'm just ignoring his existence for the purposes of this post.

26. Philadelphia 76ers: The Sixers finish second in the No Mascot category (see number 16 below) because the last mascot they had, Hip-Hop the rabbit, was way worse than the Warriors' Thunder the blue muscled guy. They get more credit for offing the bunny than the dubs get for killing the blue freak.

25. Boston Celtics: The Celtics' Leprechaun mascot is still obviously a human dressed like a leprechaun. With all other mascots, I can suspend belief and imagine the furry outer mascot shell is real. With the C's mascot, I can't.

24. Miami Heat: Burnie, the Heat's I-have-no-idea-what-this-thing-is-supposed-to-be mascot slips two spots this year through no fault of his own I guess. The fact he's 24th is through fault of his own. I still have no idea what this thing is. Also, I dislike the Heat very much, so he gets no special favors from me.

23. Houston Rockets: I'm still confused by the bears and cats that have been adopted as mascots for teams that seem to have no ursine or feline affiliation. Clutch the Rockets Bear drops two spots along with the Heat's Burnie just because two teams moved ahead of him.

22. Indiana Pacers: The Pacers mascot, Boomer, is still a cat. I don't understand the connection. See the Rockets at number 23.

21. Portland Trail Blazers: Like Boomer, Blaze the Trail Cat is also still a cat. I don't understand the connection here either. See the Pacers at number 22 and the Rockets at number 23.

20. Toronto Raptors: The Raptors name is the worst nickname in the NBA hands down now that the Charlotte franchise has ditched the horrendous Bobcats name. Note to Toronto: switch your name to the Huskies, change mascots and you will for sure see a huge bump in this ranking. I guarantee top ten for at least one year. The Raps still finish ahead of a bunch of other teams because their horrible mascot at least matches their horrible name.

19. Phoenix Suns: A franchise named Suns has a gorilla for a mascot. I don't get it. Go the Gorilla is likely ranked too high. I'm probably conceding something to the fact that most people consider this to be an historically great mascot. I don't. Go should feel lucky to be ranked 19th here.

18. Memphis Grizzlies: The franchise name is Grizzlies; the mascot is a bear named Grizz. Congratulations, Memphis, you can match your mascot to your team name. Not everyone can. Just make it look more like a bear and you will see a bump in the future. Fix the nose at least.

17. Utah Jazz: Awful name for this franchise but it's not about the name here and their bear mascot, the imaginatively named "Jazz Bear" looks better than Memphis'. Also, I still believe there are bears in Utah, even though I still haven't checked.

16. Brooklyn Nets: Last year, the Brooklyn Nets had an awful mascot, the terrible BrooklyKnight who was  sort of a cross between a medieval knight and an urban superhero. The Knight was half scary and half ridiculous and had questionable, if any at all, relevance to the name of the team it was supposed to be representing. In July of this year, the Nets issued a statement that the Knight would no longer be the team's mascot, replacing him with absolutely nothing. Last year, the Nets finished 23rd in this ranking; this year, by fielding no mascot at all, they jump to 16th. Fantastic move!

15. Cleveland Cavaliers: I considered moving the Nets no mascot above the Cavs just simply because of LeBron James returning to Cleveland but ultimately my conscience got the better of me. It won't happen often with LeBron. The Cavs drop two spots to 15th. I still love Moondog. Cleveland, please get rid of Sir C.C. I'll move you up if you do.

14. Minnesota Timberwolves: Their mascot is still a wolf and is still too straightforward while also being non-threatening to get any sort of praise from me. Crunch is at 14th because there are an awful lot of awful mascots out there in the NBA.

13. Dallas Mavericks: I still love Champ. I'm still unconvinced that a horse is the right way to go here. Good enough for unlucky 13. No better this year.

12. Sacramento Kings: Last year, I considered my top 10 to be really the cream of the crop in mascot land. This year, it's the top 12. Unfortunately for Slamson, he's still on the bottom of this group. Good mascot. The worst of the best. Nothing to sneeze at.

11. Detroit Pistons: Nothing new to say here. Good looking mascot. Relevant to the Pistons in a clever way. Hooper is still a boring name, although it is still basketball themed, which I guess counts for something.

10. New Orleans Pelicans: This is the one I had been waiting for when I wrote my rankings last year. As of last August, the New Orleans franchise had a new name but had not unveiled their new mascot. This year, they have and they rocket up this ranking into the top 10. Pierre T. Pelican has to be the only mascot who underwent a makeover in his first year but the makeover was definitely the right thing to do. The original Pierre (shown at the top of this post) had some kind of godawful hard plastic orange beak that looked like he had swallowed a human heart or a small child's butt (I can't decide which). The Pels obviously realized this was a mistake and made it into an event. Halfway through the season, Pierre broke his beak and emerged from "surgery" with a softer, gentler beak. Magnifique!

9. Oklahoma City Thunder: I'm warming to Rumble, the Thunder mascot. I think this double entendre name represents the state of Oklahoma well. Also, I've seen Kevin Durant's movie Thunderstruck (or enough to understand the plot anyway) since last year and Rumble positively stars in that flick. Edges out Pierre because of the whole beak fiasco.

8. San Antonio Spurs: The Coyote had another stellar season, capped off by his Spurs knocking off the defending champion Heat (thank you, thank you, thank you). This accomplishment offsets the Coyote losing his eyes in a game this season. If I were a kid, I might be frightened by this.

7. Atlanta Hawks: What a mess Atlanta is these days. Bruce Levenson and Danny Ferry and the rest of the bunch down there in Georgia almost affected Harry the Hawk's hold on the seven spot. Harry's fortunate that the whole eyes thing happened in San Antonio.

6. Denver Nuggets: Rocky is still solid at number six. Down one spot from last year, we are still in hall of fame territory here.

5. Milwaukee Bucks: I had the chance to watch Bango in person since my last ranking in a very cold Milwaukee this past March. Not sure I'm heading north in winter too many times in the near future to watch hoops. I still love Bango though.

4. Chicago Bulls: Benny the Bull still keeping it real at number four. Down one from last year, but it's not his fault.

3. Orlando Magic: Stuff the Magic Dragon was my surprise pick at number two last year. It was even a surprise to me in many ways. This year Stuff is getting back towards the territory I think he should be in. Top three is still very impressive for something that looks like a larger deluxe version of Fuzzball from the Captain EO movie.

2. Charlotte Hornets: Hugo is back and all is right with the world. I hate praising the Hornets again (last month I ranked their team name number one in the NBA) but Hugo making his appearance back both in the league and in Charlotte is truly a sign that things are headed in the right direction. Hugo (like the rest of the Hornets' branding) is meaner and leaner this time around. No way are kids who are fans of the visiting team looking for a hug from this dude this time around. Welcome back, buddy. Much deserved.

1. Washington Wizards: G Wiz is still the best. It's still a homer pick but until we win an NBA title, I'm keeping G Wiz right here in the top spot so I can at least say we finished first in something.

That's it for this year. If I had my way, the Celtics, Raptors and Grizzlies should make some adjustments here. With the exception of the Raps (which involves an entire franchise re-brand) the minor tweaks to the Leprechaun and Grizz the bear would pay off instantly in these rankings. Think about it Boston and Memphis.

NBA Mascot Rank, Part 5

So after a month's worth of weekly blogging about NBA mascots, it has come to this: the fifth and final part culminating in the crowning of a mascot champion. At this point, all the mascots left score really really high on the appearance and relevance scales. This last six is without doubt a good looking group and they are clearly representing their franchise name or location. The separation between sixth and first will be subtle but I'll do my best to explain my choices. Hopefully it will make sense. We'll start down south.

6: Harry The Hawk, Atlanta Hawks

In contrast to Major League Baseball and the National Football League which abound in bird nicknamed teams (three in MLB; five in the NFL), the NBA boasts a single franchise with a bird mascot and the Hawks are it. The National Hockey League, by the way, has zero ever since the Thrashers left Atlanta and headed north to become the second incarnation of the Winnipeg Jets. What is it with Atlanta and birds? A couple of years ago they had the Hawks, Thrashers and Falcons. Doesn't matter I guess. 

As a mascot, I think Harry does the birds of the world and the city of Atlanta proud. He's clearly a bird (I'm not sure I'm qualified to comment on subtleties of bird of prey mascot costumes but I believe he's a hawk) and he has the Hawks' color scheme down to a tee. Other than being alliterative, his name is nothing special but it's better than some of his colleagues'. For me, Harry's a top six mascot because of all mascots, I'm believing there's some ferocity in his appearance. I think it's the eyebrows.

5: Rocky The Mountain Lion, Denver Nuggets

Whoever runs (or ran) the virtual Mascot Hall of Fame doesn't agree with me on much when it comes to NBA mascots' excellence. I am placing four of the Hall's five NBA inductees at numbers seven, 14, 16 and 21 in this countdown. But when it comes to the Nuggets' mascot Rocky, we are in agreement. This is a top five mascot for sure.

The great thing for me about Rocky is his all pervasive relevance. He's clearly not a nugget (however you would represent the actual nickname of Denver's franchise I don't know) but the concept of a mountain lion named Rocky in a city deep in the Rocky Mountains is awesome. He's also a great looking mascot and I love the shoes.

4: Bango, Milwaukee Bucks

I have to say the Milwaukee Bucks don't have a whole lot going for themselves lately. They lost their two marquee free agents in the offseason, they have won one division title since the 1985-1986 season and they haven't won an NBA championship since 1971. Admittedly they had a pretty good run before in the 1970s and 1980s, winning 12 division championships in a 16 year span but the last 16 or so years have been less than fruitful (no comments about my Wizards here please).

But if there's a bright spot in Milwaukee, it's Bango. Just like Rocky at the five spot, Bango looks great and represents his franchise superbly, this time through actually being what the franchise mascot is (a buck) while managing to avoid the Santa's reindeer look that could have conceivably tripped him up. Besides scoring high on relevance and appearance, Bango's strongest asset is his name which comes from longtime Bucks play by play announcer Eddie Doucette who used the phrase on air whenever a Bucks player connected on a long range basket. I love that the Bucks honor someone who called games for 16 years for the franchise. The name puts Bango ahead of Rocky and into the number four slot.

3: Benny The Bull, Chicago Bulls

For years when I was a New York Knicks fan, I hated the Chicago Bulls and everything associated with their franchise. It would have been unthinkable at that time for me to have ranked anything associated with this team as high as third. I would have tried to mock their logo (which is actually really pretty good) or their stupid alternate pinstripe uniforms (which are worthy of mocking) or found some other way to tear them down. Heck, I would have probably brought up Benny's rap sheet as a way of ranking him lower in a mascot rank.

But times have changed, I root for the Bulls in the playoffs and the Cleveland Cavaliers and Miami Heat have settled in to the Bulls' old spot in my life so Benny gets the bronze medal here. Except for the alliteration, the name's not awesome but he's clearly a bull and he's very red, which I think is perfect for that animal. But let's face it here, Benny's appearance is the reason he's so high. Rocky and Bango both have better names. Benny just looks better.

2: Stuff The Magic Dragon, Orlando Magic

If you had asked me a year ago who I thought was the second best mascot in the NBA, no way would I have picked Stuff. But looking at all 30 mascots in a comprehensive fashion this summer really revealed Stuff to be an outstanding choice at the two spot. It is admittedly difficult to make a mascot that represents magic (or heat or thunder for that matter) but I think whoever designed this thing pulled it off.

While the Magic website's story of the franchise name doesn't point the origin of the name at nearby Walt Disney World, I'm pretty confident that place was a pretty strong influence. And Stuff looks like he'd be right at home there. There's no question he looks magical and unlike any dragon I have seen before, sort of an updated Phillie Fanatic for central Florida (I know there are folks in Philadelphia shuddering at this statement).

But as good as Stuff looks, there's no question in my mind that the name puts him here at the overall runner up spot. Notwithstanding Ben Stiller's likely true accusation in Meet The Parents, Puff The Magic Dragon is still a kids' song to me and applying that name to the Magic mascot with the small alteration in his name to relate to basketball works perfectly.

1: G Wiz, Washington Wizards

Just so you understand, this is not a TOTAL homer pick. I really do think G Wiz is one of the best mascots in the NBA. Maybe I'm too close like I am with most things Wizards but I think he represents our franchise nickname perfectly, even though he's obviously more muppet wizard than human wizard. I can admit he looked a lot more like a wizard in the early days of me being a season ticket holder when he still sported his beard and cape but he doesn't lack anything by losing them. Maybe he would lose his wizardly look if he lost his hat but I don't think that will ever happen.

I also think despite being covered in blue fur (thank God they didn't switch the fur to red when they rebranded the franchise in 2011) and being utterly unrecognizable as any sort of animal or creature of myth that G Wiz is a handsome mascot. The new uniforms and change to red gloves and shoes improve his look immensely but then again, changing from the Wizards' 1997-2011 uniforms would help anyone or anything look better. And finally there's the name, which is pretty much perfect. It rolls off the tongue like the antiquated saying it is but works really well. Much more mellifluous than Stuff The Magic Dragon. Congratulations, G Wiz! Number one in my book of mascots every day.

So that's it. This countdown has lasted five Fridays and now we are now only 29 days from the opening of training camp. This at least kept my mind occupied in August. Can't wait until September 28!