Bobblehead Nation 2019

The NBA season starts October 22 so that means it's pretty much time for some excellent bobblehead giveaways over the next seven months or so, right? Well it does if you are (a) in the right location where your local NBA team is actually handing out bobbleheads, (b) are willing to travel somewhere on bobblehead night or (c) know when to check eBay for the latest bobbles that someone's looking to make a couple of bucks on. Either way (or if it's something different) you need to read this annual post.

Over the last month or so, NBA teams have been putting their promotional schedules up on their websites and we've about reached a critical mass where there is enough information to actually write a meaningful post with multiple dates and multiple teams. And this year there are no preseason bobble giveaways (we see you, Golden State Warriors) so everything in this post this year is actually in the future. Very excited about that last part.

This year's schedule is packed full. It features bobbles from some usual reliable sources like the Warriors, the Brooklyn Nets and the Charlotte Hornets but there are also some shockers on here. Every year I've been writing this post (this is year six), the San Antonio Spurs haven't published one promo schedule with a bobblehead. This year they have three on their calendar. Who'd have thunk it? For those of us Wizards fans, yeah we got the one and only one as usual. Keep reading way to the bottom of this post.

I'll give a spoiler alert and save folks in Atlanta, Detroit, Los Angeles (at least Lakers fans, anyway) Memphis, Minnesota and Sacramento from having to read this whole post. There's nothing for you in this one. The schedule's out and there are no bobbles to be found. Although the Lakers do have two nights just labeled TBA so maybe there's some hope for you there.

Without further ado, here's this year's post.

October 

30 Stephen Curry Popcorn Edition (Golden State Warriors)

Over the last four seasons, the Golden State Warriors have, by my count, handed out six Stephen Curry bobbleheads at pre and regular season games. Yep, for those of you who can do math, that's right...two years in there they gave away two. So it seems right that we would see yet another one this year. The Dubs did not disappoint, not even making it out of October, without a Curry bobble. I gotta tell you though, they are kind of running out of ideas. After multiple regular Steph bobbles, one wearing a San Jose Sharks sweater and even an MVP edition, there's this year's offering which is Steph standing behind a giant thing of popcorn. I got nothing here.

By the way, the Trolley Car in the picture above? Preseason giveaway. You'll probably need to find one on eBay at this point.

November 

20 Lou Williams Underground GOAT (Los Angeles Clippers)

If there's a must have on this year's NBA bobblehead schedule, this (shown above) has to be it. Sweet Lou shooting a J with his three Sixth Man of the Year trophies sitting on a shelf behind him. Are you kidding me? I should find a way to get out to L.A. right before Thanksgiving.

22 Spider-Man (Brooklyn Nets)

Something good is going on in Brooklyn. In the last few years they have been extremely bobblehead focused. This year they enter Warriors territory and have five on the schedule. Good for them. And for Nets fans. As if it weren't great enough getting KD and Kyrie to go to Brooklyn, they also get five bobbleheads. Brooklyn, it seems, is taking a bit of an unorthodox approach to this whole thing. There's a lot of Marvel tie-ins. Either that or the Nets had way more cap space than I thought and managed to sign Spider-Man with the Mid-Level Exception or something.

25 Draymond Green San Francisco Edition (Golden State Warriors)
There's a storyline this offseason that the Warriors decided to tear it all down and rebuild for a year. Gone is Kevin Durant, Andre Iguodala was traded and Shaun Livington retired. But they still have Steph Curry, an injured-but-soon-to-return Klay Thompson (just wait two days for the bobble on that one) and of course Draymond Green. Doesn't sound like any sort of rebuild to me. I'd love to see this team playing in Washington wearing the red, white and blue. Apparently the bobblehead version of Draymond Green this year is a San Francisco edition. Whatever that means. Show up November 25 to find out I guess.

27 Klay Thompson Headband Edition (Golden State Warriors) / DeMar DeRozan (San Antonio Spurs) 

While I have no ideas on the San Francisco Edition bobblehead on the Warriors' calendar, I'm pretty sure the Klay Thompson Headband Edition bobblehead is Klay Thompson wearing a headband. I could be off base on this one but I think I may actually have this right. I didn't remember Klay actually ever wearing a headband while he played. I found one picture: on ESPN on an article about him dropping an NBA record 14 threes in a game en route to scoring 52 against the Bulls. Maybe there's something there.

On the same day, the NBA stunner of bobblehead announcements kicks off with a DeMar DeRozan bobblehead in San Antonio. Who knows...maybe they give away bobbles in San Antonio every year and I just miss it but for me right now this is huge. Maybe it's because the Spurs' stock is dropping slightly? Who knows? If I'm a Spurs fan, I'm circling this and two other dates on my calendar a can't miss games.

December

3 Austin Carr (Cleveland Cavaliers)

I can't stand the Cleveland Cavaliers. I don't like what they did to the Wizards in three straight playoffs, I resent the fact that the NBA kept handing them number one overall pics, and I really really detest their owner. But, man, do they hand out some bobbleheads. Six this season. SIX!!!! 

It's the Cavs' 50th anniversary and they are pulling out all the stops bobble-wise. They are releasing bobbleheads as voted by the fans representing each era (as defined solely by the team itself - I'm debating attaching the name "era" to some of these) in team history. Austin Carr (ANOTHER first overall pick by the Cavs) starts the party off on December 3 representing what the Cavs are calling "The Early Years Era". Seems like they could have omitted the "era" from that one.

6 Giannis Antetokounmpo MVP (Milwaukee Bucks)
The Milwaukee Bucks haven't had a league MVP since 1974 (Kareem; he won three in Milwaukee if you must know) so it seems natural that they'd celebrate by casting Giannis in resin along with a pretty detailed MVP trophy. If the actual item looks like the picture (see cover photo of this post), this one's going to be worth showing up for,

11 Kevon Looney Stormtrooper Edition (Golden State Warriors)

In recent years, the Warriors have been a bobblehead collector's dream, not just for handing out plastic likenesses of their All-Stars but for celebrating success in bobblehead form deep into their rotation. This year is no exception as December 11 sees breakout star in the making Kevon Looney get his very own likeness in bobblehead form. It's the fourth of five total bobbles being handed out in San Francisco (remember they moved...) this year. Stormtrooper Edition too. Thinking Star Wars there.

20 Whammer (Cleveland Cavaliers)

Two and a half weeks after handing out bobblehead number one, the Cavs are back on the schedule with a Whammer bobblehead. Yeah, I had to look it up too. Apparently he's a polar bear who was the Cavaliers' mascot back in the day. Who knew? Whammer represents the "Gund Arena Era" in the Cavaliers 50th anniversary celebration. He's got to be wearing one of those top 10 worst unis in NBA history that they wore back in the day, right?

21 DeAndre Jordan Star Wars Night (Brooklyn Nets)
Somehow the Nets have managed some Marvel and Star Wars tie-ins this year. I hope they got a package deal from Disney. Bobblehead #2 in Brooklyn drops just before Christmas (these things make great presents, folks!) and one day after the ninth and final Star Wars movies. They get closer than Golden State did to the actual date but somehow I still feel they should have been out in front of this a bit.

22 Bango Snow Globe (Milwaukee Bucks)
I love mascots bobbleheads. Heck, I love anything associated with mascots at all. But a mascot bobblehead that's also a snow globe? Oh! My! God! And it's Bango too, who topped out at number four on my mascot rank (back when I used to do such stuff in the summers) before Hugo's return in Charlotte knocked him down to the five spot. Bango Snow Globe bobblehead? I'm there. Not really, though, since I'd have to go to Milwaukee right before Christmas. Nothing against Milwaukee (in fact, lots FOR Milwaukee). Just not going right before the holidays.

23 Deandre Ayton (Phoenix Suns)
Only in a world occupied by Kelly Oubre, Jr. can there be a bobblehead series called the Valley Boyz Bobblehead Series. Unfortunately for Wizards fans, that world is no longer Washington, D.C. Fortunately for Suns fans, Kelly is now re-signed in Phoenix and bobblehead fanatics in Arizona are the beneficiaries. Deandre Ayton is up first in this trilogy. That's two years in a row with an Ayton bobblehead. There's got to be something in Phoenix to make up for all that losing.

31 Terry Rozier Star Wars (Charlotte Hornets)
Michael Jordan may not like spending money on free agents, but he sure does love handing out bobbleheads. There are four on the calendar in Charlotte this year, starting with the third (and so far to my knowledge, last) Star Wars themed bobblehead this season. Freshly acquired point guard Terry Rozier gets things kicked off in the Queen City.

January

4 Mark Price (Cleveland Cavaliers)

The Cavs celebrate the "Richfield Coliseum Era" (the third questionable "era" celebrated so far in Cleveland) just after the turn of the new year. I'd definitely show up for a Mark Price bobble, who I assume will be wearing the Cavaliers blue jersey with the orange CAVS logo where the V is a basket. But...since I don't live in Cleveland and they aren't playing the Wizards, I'll be passing.

14 D'Angelo Russell (Golden State Warriors)

Mid-January ends the Dubs' bobblehead run for the 2019-2020 season with their newest All-Star in cast resin, D'Angelo Russell. They swapped Russell for Kevin Durant in the offseason from the Brooklyn Nets (where Russell was an All-Star). There are more plenty more goodies later in the season for Warriors fans but not in the bobblehead department. Have to wait until next year for another five or half-dozen or so.

18 Spencer Dinwiddie as Iron Man (Brooklyn Nets)
Marvel bobblehead #2 in the NBA is available for the taking (or the picking up) at Barclays Center in mid-January two days before the annual Dr. Martin Luther King holiday. After Spider-Man in November, you get Spencer Dinwiddie as Iron Man after the new year. What exactly is this going to look like? I assume he's not fully helmeted, right? Otherwise, it's just an Iron Man bobblehead, right? I should note this one is not on the Nets' promo schedule page on their website but was part of their Instagram promo night announcement. Trusting Insta is right here.

19 Patty Mills (San Antonio Spurs)
Bobblefest in San Antonio contines in late January with Patty Mills in bobblehead form. I'm telling you, if I'm in San Antonio, I'm not missing this stuff. I love that the Spurs are doing one of Mills, who is super valuable but will likely never get to All-Star game level. Wish the Wiz could honor more steady players like the Spurs.

31 Notorious B.I.G. (Brooklyn Nets)
I don't know what to say about this one. Bravo, Nets! This has nothing to do with hoops and it doesn't matter at all. Awesome!

February 

5 Paul George (Los Angeles Clippers)
This summer the Clips pulled off the biggest splash signings and trades of the summer, signing Kawhi Leonard on the open market and trading about a million draft picks to Oklahoma City in exchange for Paul George. Now they gotta win. The Clips have never even been to the conference finals before. Seems like this year might be the year. This is the second and final Clippers bobblehead of the year. So in other words, no Kawhi. I would bet that Kawhi has a clause in his contract that the Clips NOT make a bobblehead of him. Note this is not on the giveaway schedule on the Clippers' website but it was in the press release regarding the promotional schedule. I'm counting on the press release being right.

7 Kelly Oubre, Jr. (Phoenix Suns)
I have never ever ever bought a bobblehead off eBay or some other website. I'd consider breaking that fast for this Kelly Oubre bobble. Yes, I know, I've already got one in a Wizards jersey. I'm still bitter about that stupid trade last year.

22 Miles Bridges (Charlotte Hornets)
Miles Bridges got 25 starts and averaged 7.5 points per game as a rookie in Charlotte. With the Hornets being essentially completely irrelevant this year, he gets his first team-issued bobblehead. Good luck with all that.

28 Devin Booker (Phoenix Suns)
Bobblehead number three in the Valley Boyz Bobblehead Series is Devin Booker. Makes sense to me. Booker's been the only bright spot on the directionless Suns team the last few years. Can't wait to see what this set looks like together.

29 Zydrunas Ilgauskas (Cleveland Cavaliers)

Apparently the Gund Arena Era was so awesome in Cleveland that they are handing out two bobbleheads representing those 11 or so years, including one of former Washington Wizard Zydrunas Ilgauskas on February 29. I'm making fun of the Cavs' "eras" a lot here I realize but it's probably deserved. The Cavs still play in Gund Arena to this day, it's just that owner Dan Gilbert has re-named the place after his Quicken Loans and now Rocket Mortgages businesses.

March

1 "Dwayne" Bacon (Charlotte Hornets)
OK so honestly, I'd never even heard of Dwayne Bacon but apparently he's entering his third season with the Hornets. Maybe I'm completely out of touch with non-superstars in the NBA and if that's the case, I'm OK with that. Charlotte (for lack of a better choice) is riding a youth movement this year and I guess someone feels Bacon is a rotation guy. For the life of me, I can't figure out why the Hornets issued a schedule with Bacon's first name in quotes. From everything I can tell, his first name is actually Dwayne. I'm matching the Hornets website however.

4 Daniel "Booby" Gibson (Cleveland Cavaliers)

When I first started researching this post this date was pencilled in as a fan-voted bobblehead representing the New Wine and Gold Era in Cleveland. Apparently between the time I first saw the promotional schedule and the time I wrote this post, the fans voted for a Booby bobble. There wasn't much competition here. Some of the alternates were Delonte West, Wally Szczerbiak and Ira Newble. I mean, really? Ira Newble? I would have voted for Larry Hughes. LeBron was NOT on the ballot.

6 Dr. J as Black Panther (Brooklyn Nets) / Benny the Bull x Hebru Brantley (Chicago Bulls)
The Nets are the best. At least in the bobblehead department this year. I can't wait to see this one. How's Doc's afro gong to fit in here. Makes me jealous of Brooklyn fans. Almost. This is the last one in Brooklyn this season. What a run!

Over in Chicago on the exact same day, the Bulls are handing out a Benny the Bull bobblehead for at least the third consecutive year (last year's is shown above). This is also the only bobble handed out in Chicago this year which is quite the indictment of the Bulls' roster although if it were me, I'd be all over the Satoransky bobblehead. I'll confess, I had to look up what or who Hebru Brantley was or is (showing my age, I get it...). He's apparently a Chicago hip-hop artist. After the Lou Williams Underground GOAT bobble, I'd circle this as the most intriguing of the year.

7 Mystery (Charlotte Hornets)
Not much to say here. Watch this space I guess. Awesome that the Hornets are going four deep in the bobblehead department this year.

22 Rudy Gay (San Antonio Spurs)
If I'm a Spurs fan, I'm a bit puzzled here. I mean I know Rudy's been a solid contributor the last couple of years but he gets a bobble over LaMarcus Aldridge? Or even Dejounte Murray? Still, they are getting three bobbles this year. Don't be picky. I wouldn't be.

30 Fan-Voted Championship Era & Beyond (Cleveland Cavaliers)

The sixth and final bobblehead to be handed out in Cleveland this season will be determined by fan vote starting November 4 and ending a week later. It's gotta be LeBron, doesn't it? Two reasons why it might not be: (1) Cavs fans still hate LeBron and vote for Kevin Love or J.R. Smith or someone like that just to spite him or (2) owner Dan Gilbert doesn't even put him on the ballot. Number 1 is unlikely; number 2 is very likely and Gilbert also omits Kyrie from the ballot too.

April

15 Thomas Bryant (Washington Wizards)

If I'm a Wizards fan (and I am) I've been sitting around the entire NBA season to finally get a bobblehead handed out to me and my fellow fans at the doors of Capital One Arena. On the VERY LAST day of the regular season, we finally get one. And it's not (thank God) a Bradley Beal or John Wall default bobblehead. This year's offering is breakout star (from last year) Thomas Bryant who went from the waiver wire to a three year, $25 million contract in one year. I'm honestly a little surprised Rui Hachimura didn't make it here but lately it seems that rookies get about as much consideration for a bobblehead giveaway in Washington as they get in Scott Brooks' rotation.

As usual with this post, this list may not be comprehensive. As of the writing of this post, I'm missing schedules from Boston (no surprise there), Indiana, Miami, New York (also no surprise), Orlando, Philadelphia and Toronto in the East and Dallas, Denver, Houston, New Orleans, Oklahoma City, Portland and Utah in the West. Seems to me that Toronto (to celebrate their 2019 Championship) and Portland (50th season) would want to do something bobble-wise to celebrate this season. I'm also shocked that the Rockets haven't released a schedule; they are usually one of the first to chime in. Maybe there's a second post in the wings in the next month or so.

There are some other interesting non-bobble giveaways out there. Golden State is handing out some All-Star Voting Nesting Dolls and a Stephen Curry Action Figure. The Bulls are also getting into the nesting doll game with a Benny the Bull Nesting Dolls giveaway. If gnomes are your thing, both Milwaukee (Giannis Antetokounmpo) and the Brooklyn Nets (Jarrett Allen) have gnome handouts this year. 

The last thing I'll point out is that this year, there are only two days where multiple  bobblehead giveaways are scheduled on the exact same day. So theoretically, you could get them all in person (except two) given enough time and money. Happy bobble hunting, NBA fans!!!

NBA Logo Rank, Part 5

August is almost over, that means my logo rank is also almost over. Actually when you have read this (or just looked at the pictures), it will be. Let's find out who I have number one. But first…number six.

6. San Antonio Spurs

How great is the Spurs franchise? They have five titles in the last 15 or so plus years, they are the model of consistency and team play and they have this awesome logo. Sometimes, it really is about the simple things and you can't get a whole lot simpler than the Spurs have here. I mean it's really nothing more than a boot spur doubling as a "U" in the Spurs name but it just works perfectly. No fuss, nothing fancy. Just like the team it represents. No complaints here. Nothing but praise.

5. New York Knicks

If this ranking were about primary logos only, the Knicks would do about as well as their team did last year, which if you weren't paying attention, would be just about dead last. The Timberwolves kept the Knicks out of the NBA basement last season. The Clippers would certainly keep the Knicks out of the 30 spot on this rank based on primary logo alone.

So the primary logo is a basketball with the word Knicks in astonishing three dimensional font above and a triangle in back. Not good. Not really anywhere close. The logo used to not have the triangle. I hope the team didn't pay too much for someone to re-vamp their image and end up with just a triangle to add. I'd ask for my money back if that's what happened.

But the other two logos? Stunning. The "Knicks" in the basketball is so super simple and obvious but it's graphically brilliant. It helps that the Knicks colors are blue and orange so they can use the actual color of the basketball as a background to their team name.

And then there's the subway token logo. Long long ago before paper or plastic slide or touch subway cards, pretty much all subway systems in the United States used a token, something resembling a coin that you placed in a slot that allowed you to walk through the turnstile. Now, of course, most of these are all gone, although I did get to use some in Philadelphia when I visited last year to watch the Wizards take care of the Sixers. New York's subway tokens had a large central "Y" shaped cut into the center of the token with an "N" on the left and a "C" on the right. The Knicks have used that exact same token design substituting the "K" for the "C." It's absolute genius. The New York City subway is the most famous in the United States. I can't think of a better way to honor the city than converting the token into this logo. I love it.

4. Memphis Grizzlies

My list of all-time favorite NBA logos is pretty short. I haven't actually made one but it's not a bad idea to write about that subject in some later August. If I had made one, the Memphis Grizzlies bear head logo (the center one above - minus the words below it) would be very near the top of that chart. I love this graphic. It's abstract without being cartoon-y, stern and serious without being too scary and I love the half sun / half shadow thing its got going on. I was in Memphis in 2007 and actually thought about buying a shirt with this logo on it in the team store before I came to my senses and realized I couldn't really wear any other team's apparel. I think this is the best logo in the NBA today. No question about it.

BUT…this ranking is a list based on all of each team's logos and honestly, the yellow-orange ball in the blue bear claw just doesn't do anything for me. Pass. This logo drops the Grizz from first to fourth. The Celtics, Bulls and Wizards thank you for it.

3. Washington Wizards

Homer pick? Maybe. But I really like this set of logos that the Wizards introduced in 2011. They completed Ted Leonsis' re-brand this past offseason by killing the Wizard jumping over the moon logo which had served as the primary logo for the team either in the original blue, black and bronze scheme or the slightly tilted red, white and blue scheme since the team ditched the Bullets name. That move bumped the Wizards up a bunch of spots into the number three spot.

The "Unity Hand" logo (above, center) is a throwback to the old Bullets logo, which featured the two "l"s in the middle of the word as hands reaching skyward to catch a basketball. Since there are no double "l"s in either Washington or Wizards, this is the re-interpretation we ended up with. I like how it echoes the past, especially with the retro looking basketball. I don't particularly like the font but the letters clearly spell out "dc" which is good enough for me.

The "Monument Ball" logo is a number of things all at once. It's a basketball but also includes the Washington Monument which is so prominent on the city's skyline and a star echoing the three stars in the flag of Washington, D.C., a design patterned after George Washington's personal coat of arms. I loved the Monument Ball since the day it was released and I was pleased this past spring when the team elected to make it their primary logo. I find this choice surprising since this logo is not featured on the court but whatever.

There's nothing weak here. I love the designs and the colors. I'd say a strong number three. Who you got below the Wizards that is better? Name one and let's have it out.

2. Boston Celtics

You can't get much more classic a logo than the Celtics primary logo. For as long as I can remember this has been the Celtics logo and for good reason. This HAS been the Celtics logo since 1968 which is the year of my birth. True, until 1996 the logo just had two colors (green and white) and before 1976 there was a reddish basketball behind the figure but as far as I'm concerned, the C's have just had one logo. I mean, if it ain't broke, why fix it? Classic works, right? Don't mess with a good thing.

And so that's just the thing with the Celtics logos. They went and messed with it. Until 1998, the Celtics primary logo was good enough. Better than good enough, actually. Maybe the best in basketball considering design and tradition (I know I've just said the Grizzlies head is the best logo in the game today; that logo didn't exist in 1998). But marketing or whatever else got the best of the C's and they felt like they needed to add a shamrock logo. OK, not disastrous. They can probably still finish on top.

But then a year ago, Boston went and introduced the silhouette Celtic logo. I mean OK, it's not horrendous but it's weak enough that for me, it dilutes the branding. Everyone's got to have a second and third logo, right? Well, almost everyone...

1. Chicago Bulls

50 years. One logo. That's right the Chicago Bulls are the only franchise that has never ever ever changed their logo or added a second logo. With this design, they don't need one. I don't know what else to say here. This image is just about perfect. It's an angry bull with red tips on its horns. It's mean, threatening and is one of the classic sports logos ever. I hate that the Bulls ended up number one here but I don't know who else can do any better than this. 

That's it. That's the end. Don't agree with any of my opinions? That's fine. You don't have to. I'm always open to discussion about this subject or anything else about the NBA. Give me a heads up and I'll meet you before the next Wizards game.

NBA Team Name Rank, Part 3

So here it is: Part 3 of my three part series of posts about how awesome or terrible or somewhere in between each NBA franchise's nickname is. Hopefully by now you have pored over the first two parts and are eagerly awaiting the listing of the top ten, culminating in the naming of a winner of sorts. Let's get right to it.

Category Nine: Good Stuff

So at this point, all the team nicknames are pretty good, meaning relevant and a little inventive and centered around things which are mostly readily identifiable. There are no more weather nicknames, no more non sequiturs and no more silliness (you know who I mean, Toronto Raptors). This late in the countdown, every team has some sort of legitimate credibility.

10. Boston Celtics / 9. New York Knicks

Their are many many similarities between the Boston and New York NBA franchises. They are the only two original NBA franchises who remain in their original cities; they both have winning traditions (stop laughing, Celtics fans); and they both named their teams after a portion of their own city's population.

The Celtics of course are named after the Irish immigrants that settled in Boston after the Great Irish Famine of the early to mid-1800s. Irish settlers were typically poor and had neither work nor food in their own country and so traveled across the Atlantic to the nearest possible port which is how a lot of them ended up in Boston. Once in Boston they formed a close knit community of lower class or blue collar workers. No nickname for a team in the late 1940s has a good chance of being all inclusive when it comes to describing a city's population. The Celtics name does a pretty good job though.

The Knicks are named after Father Knickerbocker, a city mascot of sorts that dates back to the days when the city was named New Amsterdam. The character was popularized in the early 1800s by Washington Irving and ultimately was adopted as a term to describe the city's aristocracy. Not as cool as working class Irish; I get it. But no opinion poll that I write where New York and Boston are tied will give the tiebreaker to Boston. The New York New Yorkers finish in ninth; the Boston Bostonians finish tenth.

8. Indiana Pacers

The American Basketball Association had some pretty good team names. Of the four franchises absorbed into the NBA as part of the NBA/ABA merger, three are in my top eight. The other one, the Nets, are not. The Indiana Pacers are the first of three consecutive former ABA franchises. I love the Pacers name because there is a dual meaning (just like the less impressive Thunder nickname).

There are two kinds of famous sporting races held in Indiana. The first and most famous is the Indianapolis 500 held annually at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Every one of those races has a pace car, which leads the field to the starting line. The second is a little known (at least to me outside of Indiana) horse racing tradition featuring harness racing pacers. Could the name be better? Sure, it could and it definitely causes mascot issues for the team. But it's better than most.

7. San Antonio Spurs

How scary is a spur? Well I think the answer is not very, unless you are a horse or in a fight with a dude using a spur as a weapon and you are (a) unarmed and (b) unable or unwilling to outrun him. But the Spurs name is perfect for a Texas team and it blows away the other two Texas franchises, the Mavericks and Rockets. There's an outlaw imagery about Texas more than any other state so I think the name works perfectly for a Lone Star State franchise, even if it is a clothing accessory of sorts.

6. Denver Nuggets

The first recorded gold find in what is now the state of Colorado was reported in 1850, when Lewis Ralston, a settler bound for California, dipped his pan into a river and discovered gold. I think if I had found some gold in a river on my way somewhere, I would have stuck around to see what else I could find but for whatever reason, Ralston did not. Instead he returned eight years later sparking the first of several gold rushes to Colorado. Denver had a small one that same year which ended quickly when prospectors determined there just wasn't a whole lot of gold around Denver.

There have been several Denver Nuggets teams over the years. The first was an AAU (Amateur Athletic Union) team founded in 1932. They were followed by an NBL franchise 80 years after the Pike's Peak Gold Rush. The present Nuggets came into existence in 1974 when the ABA's Denver Rockets switched nicknames in anticipation of an NBA/ABA merger (can't have two teams with the same name after all). I like the Nuggets nickname. It's not exactly fearsome but it's uniquely Denver. Good enough for sixth place anyway.

5. New Orleans Pelicans

The New Orleans Pelicans have played exactly one season in the NBA under their current name. Before the 2013-2014 season they were inappropriately named the Hornets (stay tuned for why it was inappropriate). When the franchise announced the decision to change the team name to the Pelicans, state bird of Louisiana by the way, they drew some fire from some folks. I mean who's going to be afraid of a Pelican?

At the time of the initial name change announcement, I wrote about how impressed I was with the team's decision to change it's name without a relocation effort. I remain as impressed, if not more so, today. Last January, I actually had the Knicks and Nuggets as better location specific nicknames; I may have re-considered since then. I just think it takes balls to do something that had only happened twice before in NBA history. And for those folks who think pelicans are not fearsome, ask the woman in the picture above. I love the Pelicans name!

4. Chicago Bulls

This past summer, I took a trip to Madrid and went to see a bullfight (however one-sided that turned out to be). Until then I didn't really understand how powerful and scary a bull can be, even one with a clear disadvantage to armed men who outnumber the creature. After that experience, one of the last things I want to be chased by is a bull. I can't imagine why anyone would consider running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain each year. I assume some of the folks in the photograph above might have regretted their decision to do so.

If there's a city with an NBA franchise that deserves the Bulls nickname, it's Chicago, so it's appropriate that their team carries that name. From the end of the Civil War to the early 1920's, more meat (mostly pigs and cattle) was processed in the city of Chicago than any other city in the world. No other American city is more identified with cattle slaughter (is that a good thing?) than the windy city. The Bulls name both reflects the history of the city and it ends up being way more than the city name with some arbitrary animal. Take that, Stuart Pritchard.

So I guess these guys are the original 76ers, right?

3. Philadelphia 76ers

The original Phildelphia NBA franchise was called the Warriors, who now reside in Oakland, California under the Golden State name. The folks that moved the Syracuse Nationals to the City of Brotherly Love in 1963 and renamed the team had a better idea.

No city except maybe Boston (and then only a maybe) was more important to the original 13 colonies' declaration of independence from Britain and the subsequent Revolutionary War. The Declaration of Independence document was signed there, Benjamin Franklin called the city home and the first Continental Congress was established there. Heck, if it hadn't been for slave owners in the south, Philadelphia might have become the capital of our nation. This was a tight call with the Bulls for the three spot but I'm giving the nod to Philly, despite the fact that a bull is way scarier than an 18th century American aristocrat with a pen.

2. Portland Trailblazers

One of the stories I love the most about American history is the expansion of the country west to the Pacific. From Lewis and Clark's search for the northwest passage to the annexation of parts of Mexico to the discovery of gold in California and Colorado to the settlement of vast tracts of available land in places like Oklahoma. I can't imagine how scary and wonderful expanding our nation west was for the people who did it in search of a better life for their families.

One of the most famous journeys west by regular people was the settlement of Oregon by the people who traveled to that territory via the Oregon Trail. The Trail connects Missouri to Oregon and is 2,200 miles long. I find it amazing that 400,000 people made the journey by foot and horse and wagon over an unpaved trail through sometimes hostile wilderness in a forty year span from about 1830 to about 1870. The Portland NBA franchise was another of the many named by public contest. The original winner of that contest was Pioneers, which works just great, but is shared by the nearby Lewis and Clark College. Trail Blazers finished second but won by disqualification of sorts. I like Trail Blazers better; I like it so much that I think it's second to only one other name.

1. Charlotte Hornets

I can't believe that any ranking system I created has the Charlotte Hornets at the number one spot but that's just what's happened here. Let me say it here so it's clear: I LOVE the Hornets name. I think it represents the very best of what a sports franchise name should be. It's ferocious, you can make a cute mascot out of it for the kids and it's location specific in a very obscure but very measureable and relevant way. This is a legit first place finish; I'm not just giving the Hornets a bump for ditching the Bobcats name a couple of months ago. Although honestly, they might have finished 30th with the old name.

As of this past spring, there have been two Charlotte Hornets franchises. The first was established as an expansion franchise in 1988 but split town for New Orleans in 2002 under a cloud of shadiness by the then owner, George Shinn. When the team headed south to the Crescent City, they kept the name for a bit until they decided that the Hornets name wasn't for them (see 5 above) and gave it up. Major props to Michael Jordan (did I really just write that?) for picking it up instantly and moving quickly to get the name back in the Queen City.

The original Hornets nickname (surprise, surprise!) was the result of a contest to name the team. I know, right? It's so surprising! Contests have yielded some crappy team names over the years (see 19 in Part 2). But this one is truly brilliant, plus if there were no contest here, we'd be rooting against the Charlotte Spirit. During the Revolutionary War, the British commander Lord Cornwallis referred to the city as a "veritable hornets' nest of rebellion" which inspired the name of a minor league baseball team in the city which was established in 1901. The name was later used for a World Football League team. Despite the borrowed or stolen name, this nickname wins my NBA team name rank.

So that's it. I'm still in disbelief that the Charlotte Hornets won anything I put my name to but that's the way it is. And since it's August 25 today, I think I can declare my project to rank all 30 NBA team nicknames a success. Now I have to think of something to do next August.

Not One, Not Two, Not Three, Not Four...

I know this is hating. I don't care.

The 2013-2014 NBA season is over. Last night the San Antonio Spurs clinched their fifth title in franchise history by defeating the Miami Heat at home in game five for a 4-1 series win. The Spurs are still the only former ABA franchise to win an NBA title and their victory ends the two year title run of the Heat in spectacularly dominant fashion. The Spurs victory not only returns the Larry O'Brien Trophy to San Antonio for the first time in nine years, it also marks the first time since 2010 that no former Washington Wizard won an NBA Championship. The past three years have seen former Wizards Caron Butler, Brendan Haywood, Juwan Howard, Rashard Lewis, Mike Miller and DeShawn Stevenson capture titles post-Wizards.

Within 30 minutes of arriving at work this morning, I was congratulated by two people on the Spurs' victory. These were not passing comments. The first thing said to me by these two people was something along the lines of "Congratulations on the win last night." Now I have never been, am not now and likely will never be a San Antonio Spurs fan. But as a die-hard Wizards fan who suffered through back to back to back playoff exits at the hands of LeBron James when he played for the Cleveland Cavaliers, I guess I am known around my workplace as a guy with an axe to grind about King James. What can I say, I guess I wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to my team (as if writing my own blog wasn't proof enough).

I've written this before but it's not losing to the Cavs all those years ago that gets me riled up; it's the way they did it with LeBron. Instead of a humble, we haven't accomplished anything approach that the Spurs take year after year, there was whining, crying and complaining by LeBron in each of those three series. From engineering the ejections of Brendan Haywood and Darius Songaila by crying to the officials or the commissioner to non-called but later assessed flagrant 2 fouls on Andray Blatche to whispering in Gilbert Arenas' ear when he was about to shoot all important end of game free throws (now an automatic technical), LeBron never beat us with class. And I guess that's why I got some dap this morning when I started my workday.

I don't know what it is about LeBron that gets to me. Despite all the PR errors he's made over the years, there's always something with this guy and this year's finals were no exception. It's like he's always looking for some sort of excuse and it started in game one with the leg cramps. The AT&T Center that night had inoperable air conditioning and temperatures on the court were 90 degrees or above. There's no doubt that the players were feeling it more and more as the game went on. Tiago Splitter looked like he was about having a heart attack his face was so red. The Spurs won game one handily but LeBron wasn't on the court to see it. Of all the players in the building, only he cramped up to a degree that forced him to sit out the end of the game. There's no shame in sitting out the end of a game one blowout. Sit down, regroup and come back stronger in game two, which the Heat did. But don't make up some excuse for not re-entering the game. Please!

Game two in San Antonio was taken by the Heat and the series went to Miami tied up at one game each. But home court advantage was not kind to the Heat. Two games, two blowouts. Their D looked awful and Dwayne Wade in particular, all of 32 years old, looked way past his prime. There was no competition offered by the Heat in these two games and so no excuse was really offered for the losses. They were so completely destroyed by the Spurs that LeBron and Wade didn't even make fun of any of the Spurs' players like they did in 2011 with Dirk Nowitzski.

But before game five, it seemed like the swagger was back. LeBron talked about the fact that his team had "championship DNA" and that they play best when their backs are against the wall. I have news for you, LeBron: players that have lost three of five NBA Finals cannot use "championship DNA" as an inspiration. You may have two more championships than a lot of other players, but you don't have an exclusive license on them. If anyone has that sort of DNA, I think it should be the Spurs. You really only won two titles because you colluded with two fellow All-Stars to buck the system and tip the competitive balance in your favor. Ever since that night in Miami almost four years ago when the Heat held a party to introduce the signings of you, Chris Bosh and Wade, your backs have never been against the wall. You stacked the deck in your favor. You should really have won all four years. But you didn't.

By the middle of the fourth quarter of game five, it appeared the Heat had been beaten back almost completely. The Spurs held an almost 20 point lead and it seemed that it wouldn't be too much longer before the Heat would cry uncle and fold. But the game wasn't over. It is technically possible to come back from that lead. I've seen plenty of leads blown by the home team at Verizon Center over the last 14 years in the fourth quarter. But it seemed like LeBron wasn't interested; he sat out the last six minutes. I don't get it. There's no regrouping and fighting in game six. The season's over if you don't play. I guess he wasn't all that interested. Winners like LeBron I guess don't like losing. If he's not on the court, I guess he can claim he could have prevented the loss if only...

LeBron was the first Miami Heat player to reach the locker room last night. I'm not surprised. At least he learned to shake hands after the game since he refused to do so against the Orlando Magic in 2009. Now the question is, what do the Heat do next? There is speculation that LeBron, Wade and Bosh will all opt out of their contracts and restructure their deals to try to conspire again to tip the competitive balance in their favor even more next year by recruiting Carmelo Anthony. There is also speculation that LeBron will move on to another team with a better chance of winning. For my part, I don't much care what he does. I believe there is value in staying someplace and making it better. I've been at my job almost 15 years now through thick and some pretty thin years. It would have been much easier to bail and start over somewhere easier. But I'm proud of what I've accomplished by staying. I don't imagine LeBron will ever feel that way.

No matter where he lands next year, I'll be rooting against LeBron (please, Wizards, don't let LeBron decide to sign with us). If he leaves Miami, he leaves with unfulfilled promises. While I can't imagine the Heat fans that actually stick with the team care much since he already delivered two titles, LeBron actually promised them at least eight. Doesn't look like that's coming true any time soon. If he leaves, it never will. He even said it would be easy. Guess not. 

It's 32-0 now!

NBA Mascot Rank, Part 4

So here we are at part four of my mascot rankings on the fourth Friday of August 2013. By now, I think we are finally into mascots who are clearly relevant to the teams they represent and for sure either look good or have cool names. We're not quite in the inner circle of mascot royalty; that group comes next week in the fifth and final part of this countdown. We are going to spend a lot of time in the Western Conference today as we count down 12 through 7. Let's get right to it.

12: Crunch, Minnesota Timberwolves

Of all the animal mascots in the NBA, Crunch might be the most realistic, which scores big points with me. This thing actually looks like a semi-credible wolf. Not like he'd be putting fear into me while stalking Liam Neeson in The Grey but if I were lacking my glasses and getting a little senile like 30 years from now, I might actually be shocked to see a wolf roaming around the Target Center. And he's clearly relevant, right? I mean it's a wolf for a team named the Timberwolves.

I'll pass on the name though. Crunch? Crunching bones? Crunch time? Good enough for the top dozen but not super excited. I realize Moondog's continuing to get screwed here. Too bad. Let's move on.

11: Champ, Dallas Mavericks

There are some folks out there who claim that the Mavericks' choice of a horse mascot is inappropriate; that the term maverick only really applies to a calf. Maverick is a word used in the southwestern United States to describe an unbranded range animal. Mavericks were unowned property, able to be claimed by the first person who branded the animal and were admittedly usually cattle. However, there are a few references online to the term maverick applying to a horse so I'm giving the Mavericks the benefit of the doubt here; I may be doing the wrong thing by allowing this but they beat the Heat two years ago in the Finals so they get some allowance for that.

Accepting the horse as an appropriate mascot, Champ looks pretty good. He's clearly a horse or probably more accurately his head clearly resembles a horse and graphically he works pretty well. If this had been three years ago, I would have had real issue with the name Champ since at that time the Mavericks never had been champions. But since 2011, the name is more than appropriate. Thumbs up for this mascot.

10: Slamson, Sacramento Kings

There's a total love-hate thing going on for me with this mascot. On simply an appearance basis, there's no way Slamson should rank as high as 10th in this or any other countdown. It's just not a good look. It's barely obvious that it's a lion, perhaps a little less believable than Bert Lahr's cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz. I totally realize that the cowardly lion had the benefit of makeup and not having to do backflip dunks in front of thousands of people but The Wizard of Oz was also made in 1939 for crying out loud. Surely this mascot could look a little better given the 74 years that have transpired since '39.

But on a name and relevance basis, Slamson's pretty cool. The relevance is obviously based on the Kings name translating to king of the jungle. Alright, good choice. I'm a believer. Samson's a great name choice for a lion because in the Bible, Samson's encounter with a lion is an important event in his life. I realize now we are one degree of separation from King but I'm still believing. Finally, I like the small alteration of Samson to Slamson to tie it all back to basketball. Terrible looking mascot but I get the name and relevance. It works for me.

9: Hooper, Detroit Pistons

Just like Slamson, I find the Pistons' mascot, Hooper, very appealing in two of my three evaluation criteria. Unlike Slamson, whose name I find awesome, Hooper's name sucks. I mean, OK, it's relevant to basketball but the name could be applied to a mascot anywhere in the country with any other team nickname and it would be no less or more relevant.

On the positive side, I do find a horse mascot to be relevant in Detroit and here I'm making a (not too far fetched) leap of faith from Pistons to cars to horsepower to horses. The Pistons' ugliest uniforms ever in the early 2000s featured a horse so I don't think I'm making a blind leap here. I also love the appearance of Hooper. In fact, I believe I'd feel comfortable saying that Hooper is maybe the best looking mascot in the NBA. He's well designed and straddles the line between real horse and cartoon like horse pretty well. Despite all that praise, Hooper only finishes ninth.

8: Rumble The Bison, Oklahoma City Thunder

Animal mascots abound in the NBA. There are cats of every size, a few bears, a mixed pack of dogs, a couple of horses, a cow, a bird, a deer and a gorilla. Are any of those animals cooler than a Bison? I think not. I remember my excitement in Yellowstone National Park when I saw my first wild bison. And while Rumble the Bison doesn't come close to that experience, having a bison for a mascot is pretty damn cool. I'm almost jealous. Almost!

So not withstanding the coolness of the bison (which let's face it is the reason for the number eight spot), Rumble is an OK looking mascot and he's clearly relevant to the history of Oklahoma. He also ties in pretty well with the hints of native American motifs in the Thunder's logo and color scheme. The existence of several native American tribes was pretty much tied wholeheartedly to the buffalo. I also like the name a lot. Rumble evokes the sound of the bison herds running across the plains but clearly hits high on the word association with the team's nickname.

7: The Coyote, San Antonio Spurs

OK, so I know I ranted about the name of Toronto's mascot "The Raptor" because of the utter lack of creativity in its name. So how can I rank a mascot called "The Coyote" so high? Isn't that just a little hypocritical? The answer is no, and I can explain.

First, the name of the franchise is not the San Antonio Coyotes so making the leap from the franchise name to a regionally recognizable animal gets the Spurs some points here. I realize it is near impossible to make a mascot out of an actual spur, but that didn't stop the Rockets picking bear or the Pacers and Trail Blazers coming up with a cat. At least the Spurs picked an animal relevant to the state of Texas where the franchise is located.

Secondly, The Coyote is missing the Barney factor that haunts The Raptor. Granted, this coyote isn't going to put any fear into opponents much more than Toronto's mascot but at least I don't have "I love you, you love me..." going through my head when I see it (you're singing that song now, aren't you?). 

But finally, and most importantly, The Coyote is credited with inventing the t-shirt cannon. It's true. The t-shirt cannon is so important to the daily lives of mascots in getting fans fired up for free crap, that this reason more than any other is why The Coyote is not only 11 spots ahead of The Raptor, but also gets the seventh spot, ahead of arguably stronger competition. He's a pioneer like no other mascot. 'Nuff said.

One more part to go. Remaining teams in alphabetical order: Atlanta Hawks, Chicago Bulls, Denver Nuggets, Milwaukee Bucks, Orlando Magic, Washington Wizards.