Beal(e) Street

 

This past July, I wrote a post about my continuing quest to get to all 29 NBA cities and arenas (yes, there are 30 NBA teams; L.A. has two teams in one arena). Part of that post looked forward to the then-upcoming 2017-2018 NBA season and included my own personal NBA city top five destinations for the season. I wrote that post without really understanding what the schedule had in store for me because the season schedule hadn't been released yet.

The number two city on that list? Memphis, Tennessee, home of the Memphis Grizzlies and blues. And maybe a little bit of rock and roll and some pretty darned good barbeque. Or at least I hoped there would be all that when I took off last Friday to the banks of the Mississippi River for a couple of nights to watch the Wiz play the Grizz and see what else I could get up to.

I'd been to Memphis once before a little more than ten years ago on a bourbon and music trip that had me spend a couple of nights each in Memphis and Nashville followed by a few days visiting all seven (at least that was the count in 2007) bourbon distilleries in Kentucky. Since that trip, I'd been back to Nashville and a couple of Kentucky's distilleries. Now it was time to get back to Memphis. I couldn't wait. Blues is one of my very favorite types of music to see live. Last time I was there I club-hopped one night before settling into some outdoor alley bar with some phenomenal piano blues that had me back there the next night as soon as they started playing.

 

Blind Mississippi Morris and band warming up.

So let's start with the non-basketball stuff and then we'll get to what happened at FedEx Forum on Friday night. Music first. Food second.

If you love music and you've never been to Beale Street in Memphis, I encourage you to go sometime soon and then go back maybe once or twice more. Think a much smaller but way better Bourbon Street if you know New Orleans at all. Or a little smaller Broadway if you've been to Nashville. Although from a musical level maybe Broadway is better because Nashville is the epicenter of the country music recording industry and it's big big business. Blues in Memphis or anywhere else for that matter? Not so big business, which is unfortunate for folks who prefer blues over country.

If you go, take some bills for tips because all four of the bands we saw this past weekend at B.B. King's Blues Club, Rum Boogie Café and Blues City Café were playing for tips and tips alone. The best two bands we saw were definitely Earl "The Pearl" Banks (unexpected Bullets tie-in there) and Blind Mississippi Morris. Any bluesman named "Blind" has to be good. There are historically a whole series of bluesmen with the blind moniker. And yes, they were all blind, as was Blind Mississippi Morris. Hard-driving guitar and harmonica based blues classics from both these bands was just what I was looking for alongside plenty of local Memphis beer when I was in town.

 

 

Last time I was in Memphis, I struggled with my food choices. I basically did no research into where I should go and ate nothing remarkable whatsoever. Foolishly, I accepted the recommendation of my hotel when I was looking for some barbeque and they sent me down to some very disappointing tamales and ribs on Beale Street.

 

Not so this time around. I checked out several "best of Memphis barbeque" lists before heading out of town. If you are looking for some serious smoked meat in reasonable walking distance of Beale Street, your choices are going to be kind of slim. Based on all the lists I reviewed, I came away with one: Central BBQ Downtown, which is about a 15 minute walk south down by the National Civil Rights Museum. After a half rack of ribs with some turnip greens and baked beans, this is definitely a place I'd go back to. The meat was flavorful and fall off the bone and I can highly recommend the spicy barbeque sauce on the side for some dipping.

 

Lunch Saturday was over at Central BBQ. Lunch Friday? Gus's Fried Chicken. I'm not a fried chicken guy at all but this was probably the best fried chicken I've had in my life. I've never had a batter so light and crispy that kept breast meat that juicy. It was absolutely phenomenal. I can't take credit for this find; I'm glad here that my friend Bryan is as concerned about eating good food while out of town as I am. Thanks, B!

 

But this is a basketball blog, right? Let's talk hoops.

 

 

In a season of trap games that have become so frequent that any game can become a trap game for this Wizards squad, a Friday night game against the injured and underperforming vs. expectations Grizzlies was the poster child for an unexpected road loss against a team far back in the standings.

It almost was. This was another game where the Wizards seemed to have things comfortably in hand in the third quarter before thinking they could just put the bench in the game in the fourth and kill some clock later in the fourth and walk out of there with an easy win. And die-hard Wizards fans know what happens when this team tries to do that: the ball sticks and we end up getting a rushed isolation shot by John Wall or Bradley Beal with a second or two left on the shot clock. With the bench not on their best game for the second straight contest, this game was the Wall and Beal show all the way. And by that I mean they were great in the first three and the problem in the last half of the fourth playing iso-ball.

Beyond watching the game and being a completest in terms of seeing the Wiz play the entire rest of the league on the road, one of the things I love about traveling to other NBA cities is seeing what it's like in other arenas. You can't really get a sense of what that's like watching a road game on TV. Besides the awesome viewpoint from pretty much straight away center on the Pinnacle (read: second) level of FedEx Forum in Memphis, there were a whole bunch of things worth noting about this arena.

First of all, I love the scoreboard. This may be the most awesome scoreboard in the NBA that I've seen so far. It's enormous, gorgeous and super bright. I also love the rounded corners which double as mini-stat boards, although I have to say I'd prefer to see names rather than faces by the stat lines. I can get our guys by the numbers but I don't watch enough other teams regularly enough to know them by their jersey numbers or faces.

Like most arenas in the NBA, FedEx is huge compared to our home sweet home Capital One Arena. This is mostly I believe because other cities haven much larger lots than the confined city blocks that make up the District of Columbia. The result is much larger concourses so the home team can load up on circulation space, have cafeteria style restaurants on the upper level or have their upper levels not overhang the seats below. All these seemed to be true in Memphis.

But the Grizzlies' home seemed to be bigger in another dimension (the up dimension) that caused an excessively quiet environment in the place. I know this is going to sound strange coming from a Wizards season ticket holder that's seen more than a few mid-week games against non-popular teams over at 601 F Street in the last dozen plus years, but I don't think I've ever been in a building as quiet as the one in Memphis. I'm serious. From our seats in the second level, we heard high five slaps as guys substituted, crystal clear directions from the refs during in bound plays and individual fan voices in the crowd again and again.

We even heard one fan yell to Marcin Gortat "You are not an actual wizard!" during a free throw attempt, which was both notable for its crystal clear audio quality in the building but also for its undeniable truth. I should note for the sake of completeness there were likely no actual wizards besides Marcin playing at all that night, just like there were no actual grizzlies playing on the court. Although...if there were grizzlies or wizards playing, it would have been way easier to spot the grizzlies than the wizards. Just saying.

 

Beyond the scoreboard and the church-like atmosphere, there were all manner of cool and quirky things to note about the game environment at FedEx Forum last Friday night. What, you might ask? How about the signage on the marquee (shown above) right inside the front door which I assume has to be changed by hand each game night? Or how about the pictures of musical artists with Memphis connections on the walls of the lower level concourse? Check out Carl Perkins and Johnny Cash (who both recorded on Memphis' Sun Records) either side of Sam and Dave (Memphis' Stax Records) above.

Not cool and quirky enough for you? How about people dressed up in toothbrush and toothpaste costumes to promote a local dentist's office? Or two mirror balls (that's two) hanging from the ceiling of the arena? Still not impressed? Ever seen a burger stand at an arena which counts down the number of burgers available to impress customers with the freshness? Might need to stock up. The photo below shows just 36 burgers left and that was before the game. The restroom signs were awesome too: singing girls with beehive hairdos for the women's room and singing boys with pompadour for the men's (hoping I got my hairstyles right). They just got a bit weird when they went family on us. Is the baby being tossed or does he really just have some amazing hops? 



Hurry! Just 36 burgers left 'til BC Burgers is sold out for the night!

Maybe the sign's not as quirky as I think but I think it's pretty interesting.

But despite all the burger countdowns and mirror balls and jumping babies and toothpaste mascots, the thing worth spending the most time on here is the wrestling. Nope, I'm drunk or anything. They had wrestling Friday night. Grind City Wrestling. I'll try to explain succinctly.

First the Grind City thing. The Memphis Grizzlies until this season were perennial playoff contenders. Their run of playoff appearances was fueled by hard work by hard working players. The words grit and grind became associated with their (mostly) superstar-less teams fighting and clawing for every win they could get. The team nicknamed Memphis Grind City.

Now let's try the wrestling thing.

 

When I was in junior high school and maybe just into high school, I used to watch pro wrestling or what would be later known as the World Wrestling Federation. Of course, pro wrestling is really nothing of the sort; it's all just theater. Back then this was not big business like it is now. We used to watch matches with the Magnificent Muraco or Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka taking on some local stiffs on network television on Saturday afternoon. I think I got about as far as the emergence of the Strongbow Brothers before realizing it was essentially a total waste of time.

Anyway...apparently after I stopped watching this stuff, Jerry "The King" Lawler was one of the wrestlers in Vince McMahon's stable. Jerry (now 68) is from Memphis and Friday night at the Grizzlies game was Jerry "The King" Lawler night, which featured the most elaborate halftime in game entertainment that I have ever seen, taking a story all the way from the beginning of the game with a marquee halftime wrestling match in an actual wrestling ring to pretty much the end of the third quarter. Almost every time out until the beginning of the fourth quarter featured a touchpoint to the story of how Lawler had the Grizzlyweight World Championship belt (yes, there was an actual belt) stolen from him and how the Grizzlies were going to get it back from him.

I'm guessing this is not the first time the Grizzlies have had some sort of wrestling night, although I don't know that for sure. If it's not, if this is truly a one time event, I have to admire the time, effort and money that the team put into this narrative. There is some true dedication involved here. There's no way this can be the only time they've done something like this. I mean they have an actual custom made belt and everything.

The story starts out with a "genuine tape" of a wrestling match between Lawler and some other dude (shown above; ironically considering how much I'm going to write here Lawler is not pictured in this post) in front of about 25 fans (maximum!) going at it until Jerry is robbed of his belt through foul play. Yes, I am too disinterested to look up who this other dude is. Anyway in the process of stealing the belt, he also hurt The King's shoulder, meaning he couldn't fight to get it back.

So...the Grizzlies brought in Tennessee's own Jeff Jarrett to fight for Lawler's belt and I guess his honor. But...as it turns out Jarrett is from Nashville, not Memphis, so after winning back the belt (in actual wrestling ring on the upper level of the arena) he keeps it for himself and taunts Lawler enough that despite the injured shoulder he fights anyway (again, in the actual wrestling ring on the upper level of the arena). Of course, after a rough start to the match, Lawler wins. But he doesn't. Because the referee was stunned by Jarrett and didn't see Lawler pin Jarrett. Ultimately through more foul play, Jarrett wins. What a bummer!!!

Yes, there's an actual wrestling ring inside FedEx Forum during a Grizzlies game.

Until...the Grizzlies mascot Grizz (ranked number 20 on my latest NBA Mascot Rank) wins it back from Jarrett in the third and final live wrestling match of the evening. Got all that? And this was during a basketball game, like between halfs and quarters and during time outs and stuff. Like I said, you have to admire the Grizzlies for their dedication to this show. Pretty amazing promotional department they got down there in Memphis, I have to say.

And I lied earlier: this is not the first time the Grizzlies have had wrestling night. Not sure how far back this goes (telling the truth this time) but they've definitely done this before.

So that's it. That's my report of my experience at my first ever Grizzlies game. That checks off my third NBA game in a Southwest Division arena and I now have 20 game experiences (with a few asterisks - see here and the post referenced at the top of this post) in the 30 NBA arenas. Long way to go. One more scheduled for this year then I think I'm home for the year. Detroit up next in a week and a half. Wizards home tomorrow against the Jazz. Go Wizards!!!

For some reason during the out of town scores update, the Grizzlies showed them beating themselves 100-4.

 

What About Portland?

I used to hate the NBA All-Star Game. Maybe hate's a strong word. But in years past I really had no use whatsoever for the mid-season exhibition basketball game where most of the players that I love to hate showboat while nobody (and I mean nobody) plays defense. Even when Gilbert Arenas, Antawn Jamison and Caron Butler were making appearances in the game over a four year span about a decade ago, I never really tuned in for very long.

Then last year everything changed. I snagged some tickets to the big events on All-Star Weekend in New York City and saw the true value of the experience. From the game itself on Sunday to All-Star Saturday night to practices to press conferences to autograph hunting all over the city, it was a non-stop weekend of NBA superstar immersion. And it was quite honestly pretty fantastic. I never could have imagined such a transformation in my attitude about something based on a frigid long weekend in America's best city (sorry, D.C. but it's true!).

Washington last hosted the All-Star Game in 2001, my first year as a Wizards season ticket holder. I didn't do much at all that weekend basketball-wise except attend the Rising Stars Challenge on Saturday afternoon. I bought a $10 (yes, you read that right) ticket at the box office and spent a couple of hours watching the rooks and sophs go back and forth while sitting one row closer to the court than now-majority owner Ted Leonsis (Ted was in his box; I was in the last row in the 100 level at what was then MCI Center in front of his box).

That year I was actually offered tickets to the All-Star Game. I think the deal from the Wizards was that if I bought 100 upper deck tickets for a regular season game and donated them to charity, they'd get me some 400 level seats for the All-Star Game. I passed, not having a spare $1,000 or more kicking around for such an indulgence at that time in my life. But after last year's All-Star experience, I started to wonder if D.C. was due for another All-Star weekend. I mean in the past 16 years since I've been a season ticket holder, both Houston and New Orleans have had the game twice. Why can't Washington get another shot? Aren't we due?

Me and Earl Monroe hanging out at All-Star Weekend 2015.

So logically, the answer to that question is NO! There are 30 teams in the league now so theoretically every team should get to host the All-Star Game once every three decades. But that's clearly not the way it works for Houston or New Orleans, so why can't Washington be an exception too? The Wizards / Bullets have hosted All-Star Weekend a total of three times in the 65 (including this year) year history of the event: 1969 (in Baltimore), 1980 (at the Caps Center in Landover, MD) and 2001 at our current arena on F Street. Maybe if the NBA waits the same 21 years between games like they did last time, maybe we get the game back here in 2022. Maybe.

Probably not. As it turns out, there are far more cities that are "due" than Washington is. In fact, it ain't even close. Boston holds the longest current All-Star Game-less streak at 52 years, including this year; 53 if you consider they aren't hosting it next year (Charlotte, NC is). Boston was home to the first and second ever NBA All-Star Games and hosted the event four of the first 14 years it was played (remember the league was a lot smaller back then). But they haven't played it in beantown again since 1964 when the league had a total of nine teams. That's a long time.

Other cities have never hosted the game at all. Oklahoma City which has been the home of the Thunder for nine years (including this one) has not yet been granted an All-Star Game. Nor has Sacramento, which has been the home of the Kings since 1985. But while the game may never have been played in those two cities before, the franchises that became the Oklahoma City Thunder and Sacramento Kings have hosted. The Thunder had the event in 1974 and 1987 as the Seattle SuperSonics and the Kings hosted All-Star Weekend in 1956 and 1966 as the Rochester and Cincinnati Royals respectively. Neither franchise has waited as long as the Celtics in Boston, although Sacto comes close.

Besides OKC and Sacramento, there are two other cities that have also never had the All-Star Game. One of these, Memphis, is a relative newcomer to the NBA, moving from Vancouver in 2001, although it seems like the Grizzlies, whose name worked way better in Vancouver, have been in that city forever. So while I feel for the Memphians who crave this event at the FedEx Forum, if I were running the show I'd put both Boston and Sacramento ahead of them. Yes, I'd put OKC at the back of the line here.

And then there's Portland. The Trail Blazers entered the NBA in 1970, 45 seasons ago, at a time when there were only 17 teams in the league. They've been in the same city under the same name for their entire history and as yet have never been awarded an All-Star Game. Since Portland entered the league, and including this year, the All-Star Game has been held in 28 different cities or metropolitan areas. Seven cities have had the game twice; three have been hosts three times; and Los Angeles (if you include Inglewood as Los Angeles) has had it four times. The game has been played in five football stadiums over that period, one city that no longer has a franchise (San Diego) and what that has never had a team located there (Las Vegas). But Portland's never had it. Not even once.

Apparently the city has put in an application to host the game in 2017 or 2018 but the NBA is concerned about the number of hotel rooms in town. It seems to me that the league could find it in it's heart to let a franchise which has been in the same place for almost 50 years have the event once, even if it means a lot of staying in the suburbs or elsewhere. There's one thing for sure: Portland's due!

Large scale graphics of jerseys at Barclays Center 2015: John Wall (woo hoo!!!) and LeBron James (BOOO!!!!!!)

NBA Logo Rank, Part 5

August is almost over, that means my logo rank is also almost over. Actually when you have read this (or just looked at the pictures), it will be. Let's find out who I have number one. But first…number six.

6. San Antonio Spurs

How great is the Spurs franchise? They have five titles in the last 15 or so plus years, they are the model of consistency and team play and they have this awesome logo. Sometimes, it really is about the simple things and you can't get a whole lot simpler than the Spurs have here. I mean it's really nothing more than a boot spur doubling as a "U" in the Spurs name but it just works perfectly. No fuss, nothing fancy. Just like the team it represents. No complaints here. Nothing but praise.

5. New York Knicks

If this ranking were about primary logos only, the Knicks would do about as well as their team did last year, which if you weren't paying attention, would be just about dead last. The Timberwolves kept the Knicks out of the NBA basement last season. The Clippers would certainly keep the Knicks out of the 30 spot on this rank based on primary logo alone.

So the primary logo is a basketball with the word Knicks in astonishing three dimensional font above and a triangle in back. Not good. Not really anywhere close. The logo used to not have the triangle. I hope the team didn't pay too much for someone to re-vamp their image and end up with just a triangle to add. I'd ask for my money back if that's what happened.

But the other two logos? Stunning. The "Knicks" in the basketball is so super simple and obvious but it's graphically brilliant. It helps that the Knicks colors are blue and orange so they can use the actual color of the basketball as a background to their team name.

And then there's the subway token logo. Long long ago before paper or plastic slide or touch subway cards, pretty much all subway systems in the United States used a token, something resembling a coin that you placed in a slot that allowed you to walk through the turnstile. Now, of course, most of these are all gone, although I did get to use some in Philadelphia when I visited last year to watch the Wizards take care of the Sixers. New York's subway tokens had a large central "Y" shaped cut into the center of the token with an "N" on the left and a "C" on the right. The Knicks have used that exact same token design substituting the "K" for the "C." It's absolute genius. The New York City subway is the most famous in the United States. I can't think of a better way to honor the city than converting the token into this logo. I love it.

4. Memphis Grizzlies

My list of all-time favorite NBA logos is pretty short. I haven't actually made one but it's not a bad idea to write about that subject in some later August. If I had made one, the Memphis Grizzlies bear head logo (the center one above - minus the words below it) would be very near the top of that chart. I love this graphic. It's abstract without being cartoon-y, stern and serious without being too scary and I love the half sun / half shadow thing its got going on. I was in Memphis in 2007 and actually thought about buying a shirt with this logo on it in the team store before I came to my senses and realized I couldn't really wear any other team's apparel. I think this is the best logo in the NBA today. No question about it.

BUT…this ranking is a list based on all of each team's logos and honestly, the yellow-orange ball in the blue bear claw just doesn't do anything for me. Pass. This logo drops the Grizz from first to fourth. The Celtics, Bulls and Wizards thank you for it.

3. Washington Wizards

Homer pick? Maybe. But I really like this set of logos that the Wizards introduced in 2011. They completed Ted Leonsis' re-brand this past offseason by killing the Wizard jumping over the moon logo which had served as the primary logo for the team either in the original blue, black and bronze scheme or the slightly tilted red, white and blue scheme since the team ditched the Bullets name. That move bumped the Wizards up a bunch of spots into the number three spot.

The "Unity Hand" logo (above, center) is a throwback to the old Bullets logo, which featured the two "l"s in the middle of the word as hands reaching skyward to catch a basketball. Since there are no double "l"s in either Washington or Wizards, this is the re-interpretation we ended up with. I like how it echoes the past, especially with the retro looking basketball. I don't particularly like the font but the letters clearly spell out "dc" which is good enough for me.

The "Monument Ball" logo is a number of things all at once. It's a basketball but also includes the Washington Monument which is so prominent on the city's skyline and a star echoing the three stars in the flag of Washington, D.C., a design patterned after George Washington's personal coat of arms. I loved the Monument Ball since the day it was released and I was pleased this past spring when the team elected to make it their primary logo. I find this choice surprising since this logo is not featured on the court but whatever.

There's nothing weak here. I love the designs and the colors. I'd say a strong number three. Who you got below the Wizards that is better? Name one and let's have it out.

2. Boston Celtics

You can't get much more classic a logo than the Celtics primary logo. For as long as I can remember this has been the Celtics logo and for good reason. This HAS been the Celtics logo since 1968 which is the year of my birth. True, until 1996 the logo just had two colors (green and white) and before 1976 there was a reddish basketball behind the figure but as far as I'm concerned, the C's have just had one logo. I mean, if it ain't broke, why fix it? Classic works, right? Don't mess with a good thing.

And so that's just the thing with the Celtics logos. They went and messed with it. Until 1998, the Celtics primary logo was good enough. Better than good enough, actually. Maybe the best in basketball considering design and tradition (I know I've just said the Grizzlies head is the best logo in the game today; that logo didn't exist in 1998). But marketing or whatever else got the best of the C's and they felt like they needed to add a shamrock logo. OK, not disastrous. They can probably still finish on top.

But then a year ago, Boston went and introduced the silhouette Celtic logo. I mean OK, it's not horrendous but it's weak enough that for me, it dilutes the branding. Everyone's got to have a second and third logo, right? Well, almost everyone...

1. Chicago Bulls

50 years. One logo. That's right the Chicago Bulls are the only franchise that has never ever ever changed their logo or added a second logo. With this design, they don't need one. I don't know what else to say here. This image is just about perfect. It's an angry bull with red tips on its horns. It's mean, threatening and is one of the classic sports logos ever. I hate that the Bulls ended up number one here but I don't know who else can do any better than this. 

That's it. That's the end. Don't agree with any of my opinions? That's fine. You don't have to. I'm always open to discussion about this subject or anything else about the NBA. Give me a heads up and I'll meet you before the next Wizards game.

New Blood

Since I arrived in the United States in 1979, just nine franchises have won an NBA title. It's the most exclusive club over those 35 plus years in the four major American sports. Over that span, there have been 16 different Super Bowl winners, 17 different Stanley Cup champions and 20 different World Series champions. In the NBA, just nine. And two of those franchises (Philadelphia and Dallas) won the title only once. The sport has been dominated by just seven franchises over the last three and a half decades. 

Last night, the Los Angeles Clippers defeated the reigning champion San Antonio Spurs in game seven of their first round series. That means that the teams that have won the NBA title for the last 16 years are no longer in the NBA playoffs and for the first time in a while, we may actually have an NBA Champion who hasn't won it recently. As a measure of how much the landscape has changed this year, consider this: there are only two franchises that have made the second round of the playoffs both this year and last year and those are the Los Angeles Clippers and the Washington Wizards. How crazy is that?

Because it might be difficult for the average NBA fan to recall when each of the remaining NBA franchises won a title (I know it was for me), here's a look back at the last time the final eight won it all.

Atlanta Hawks (1958)

The last time the Hawks hoisted an NBA trophy, they were in St. Louis and there were eight franchises in the league. EIGHT!!! And six of the eight teams made the playoffs. That year the Warriors were in Philadelphia, the 76ers were still in Syracuse and known as the Nationals, the Lakers were still in Minneapolis on the westernmost edge of the NBA and the Kings were still in Cincinnati named the Royals. How different things are now.

That year the Hawks had a first round bye and knocked off the Boston Celtics, who had won the title the previous year and would win the subsequent eight, despite Boston having home court advantage. This year, the Hawks posted the second best record in the NBA and despite that accomplishment, most folks don't seem to be giving them much of a chance, preferring the Bulls or Cavaliers as the Eastern Conference champs. For my part, I hope the Hawks really are done, but I obviously don't want the Bulls or Cavs in the Finals either.

Golden State Warriors (1975)

Before this season, the Warriors last won a division title in 1976. That was their second division title since they moved to California, having won it the previous season when they won it all. It's the only NBA title in team history. The 1974-1975 NBA season had to have been one of the tightest ever. The Warriors were the best team in the Western Conference with a 48-34 record. This year, that record would have secured them the eighth and final spot in the West.

Despite the field being a little wide open this year, the Warriors have to be considered the favorite to win it all. They killed the entire rest of the NBA; were the second best best offensive team and the best defensive team; and the only team with any success against the Dubs this year (the Spurs) were eliminated by the Clippers last night. Crazily enough, if the Warriors don't win the title, the season might be a waste. They get the banged up Grizzlies in round two then have to face the winner of the Houston Rockets - Clippers matchup.

Washington Wizards (1978)

The last time the Wizards made it to the second round of the NBA playoffs two years in a row, it was the year after the one and only title in franchise history, which they won as the Bullets. Since then, it's been mostly futility. There were a series of first round losses in the 1980s, one playoff appearance in the 1990s and a brief run of mostly non-success with Antawn Jamison and Gilbert Arenas during the last decade. 

Now it's John Wall's turn and for the first time I've been a Wizards fan, it looks like the team might actually make the Eastern Conference Finals. Either that or the sweep that the team just completed over the Toronto Raptors was just our team mopping up a group of guys that were done months ago north of the border. We'll see how we stack up against the Hawks, who sort of genuinely struggled against the Brooklyn Nets over the last two weeks and are maybe a little banged up with Al Horford and Paul Millsap nursing injuries and Thabo Sefolosha having been taken care of by New York City's finest. Series starts in a couple of hours.

Houston Rockets (1995)

When the Hawks, Warriors and Wizards (Bullets) last won NBA titles, I either didn't exist or didn't know what basketball was. But I remember all too well the Rockets' back to back titles in 1994 and 1995. Fresh out of college and a budding New York Knicks fan, the Rockets killed me in 1994 on my birthday by knocking off the Knicks in game seven in a game when John Starks, who I still love, couldn't hit a shot to save his life.

Hakeem Olajuwon, Mario Elie, Kenny Smith, Robert Horry and the newly arrrived Clyde Drexler with Sam Cassell off the bench managed to sneak in the second of their two consecutive titles in 1995. I say sneak because they won both while Michael Jordan was off playing minor league baseball. This was supposed to be the Knicks' window, but it ended up being the Rockets'. In 1995 they swept the Orlando Magic in their only finals appearance. Those unis…wow!

Chicago Bulls (1998)

I hate Michael Jordan but damn, he was good. The best even. I first hated him as a Knicks fan during the 1990s. Then in an odd twist of fate cheered loudly as he led the Wizards to two consecutive 37 win, non-playoff seasons in 2001-2002 and 2002-2003. Then applauded Abe Pollin as he showed Jordan the door in Washington and I renewed my hatred with perhaps a little less enmity after that as I realized Jordan just put our franchise's development on hold for a couple of years while wasting a number one overall pick. 

The Bulls won six titles in the 1990s and honestly, I'd hate for them to win another one. Ever. This year with Derrick Rose back at pretty much full strength the Bulls think they can knock off the Cavaliers (I hope so; hate the Cavs more than the Bulls) and then whoever they face next (I hope not). The Cavs-Bulls series promises to be one of the best in recent years. I hope it is. And I still hate Michael Jordan.

Los Angeles Clippers / Cleveland Cavaliers / Memphis Grizzlies (NEVER!)

The Los Angeles Clippers (as the Buffalo Braves) and Cleveland Cavaliers entered the NBA together in 1970 and neither has ever won a title. The Cavaliers came won one conference championship in 2007 but then were unceremoniously swept by the San Antonio Spurs in a Finals that was pretty much over before it began. Other than the current incarnation of each of these franchises (I'm counting LeBron's first go-round in Cleveland as part of the current run), neither has had much success.

This year the Cavaliers seem to be most people's favorites to come out of the Eastern Conference; it will be interesting to see the effect of the team losing Kevin Love for the rest of the season in the finale against the Boston Celtics in round one. Other than the Derrick Rose ACL tear in the 2012 playoffs, I can't remember an injury to someone this important to their team in a playoff run. I'm of course hoping the Cavs can't recover. On the Clippers' side of things, why not? I mean other than the Warriors, it's an open heat in the West, which might mean it's not open at all of course.

Then there are the Grizzlies, one of two teams who have never won anything at all (the other is the current incarnation of the Charlotte Hornets). The Grizz have it tough this year. With point guard Mike Conley on the floor, you could almost talk yourself into thinking this team has a chance against the Warriors (who they will face in the second round) but with Conley out with a facial fracture at least the first two games, they are likely to be on the path to getting the Dubs a whole lot of rest before the Western Conference finals. I'm pulling for the Grizzlies out West, but I'm not sure it's going to do any good.

The second round starts today at 1 p.m. eastern time with my beloved Washington Wizards taking on the Hawks in Atlanta. This is absolutely the best time of year. Go Wizards! I mean, why not?

NBA Team Name Rank, Part 1

For the NBA fan, August and September are pretty much interminable: two months that just drag and drag and drag because absolutely nothing is happening. For these two months, the NBA just seemingly shuts down. Sure, there's a minor free agent signing or two and they throw us a bone by releasing the next season's schedule this month (can't wait, by the way!) but it's still super slow. So once again, I'm casting about for filler for my blog to make myself feel like I'm a credible blogger. Last year, I devoted five posts to ranking the NBA teams' mascots from 30 to 1. This year, I'm ranking team names, but in three parts, not five.

When I first moved to this country at the age of 11 in 1979, I was absolutely fascinated by American sports names. In England, where football is the one major sport (not that football; real football), team names are pretty dull. There are a lot of "United"s, "City"s and just some town or cities with no name other than the place name. Every so often you'd find a Rovers or a Rangers or an Albion. Tottenham Hotspur and Wolverhampton Wanderers were really really cool just because they were different but that's about as exotic as it got.

Naturally, when I knew we were moving to the United States, I started checking out the football situation across the pond to see which team I might become a fan of. We were moving to Connecticut so naturally I picked the Hartford Bicentennials and started thinking about my dad and I being able to go to some games (I didn't realize the Bicentennials had moved to Oakland in 1978; current information was only so available back then). But in looking into teams over in this country, I found no "United"s or "City"s. We knew about the New York Cosmos in England because they were pretty much world famous at that point. The rest of the names were just amazing: Chicago Sting, San Jose Earthquakes, Seattle Sounders and on and on.

Why were teams named these things? Stephen Merchant's character Stuart Pritchard summed it up pretty well in the Long Beach episode of the absolutely hilarious HBO series Hello Ladies.

"Every fucking American sports team's just a bloody city and some arbitrary animal stuck together. Ooh, look at me, I'm a fan of the Chicago Squids. What does it even mean?"

Good question, Pritch! As I grew older and became an American sports fan (baseball and football first, then hockey, then basketball, then not so much baseball and hockey), I started to understand that some team names were indeed just a city name and an arbitrary animal (or whatever else) stuck together. Others however, have some real meaning and some are actually really really cool. And yes, some of these are actually animals.

So anyway, without further preamble, here are my bottom ten team names in the NBA. You'll have to wait a few days on the next ten, then a few more after that for the top ten. Here goes!

Category One: Stupidest Team Name Ever

Some names just don't work at all because they are just stupid.

30. Toronto Raptors

The genesis of the Raptors' name, which is hands down the worst in the NBA and possibly the worst name in the history of sports names, is as plain and as simple as the folks in Toronto swiping it from the Jurassic Park movie, which was the biggest box office hit the year prior to the franchise's name being announced. There are two primary reasons why the Raptors name is so bad. First, there is absolutely no relevance to the city of Toronto whatsoever. I mean not even millions of years ago; velociraptors have only been found in Mongolia to date. Secondly, as a general rule, don't name your team after a hit action movie. I realize the special effects in that movie were absolutely the bomb in 1993, but they do the same things and better in commercials these days. What if the team had been founded after the transformers movie was released? Think about it. The city of Toronto had a team called the Huskies in the old BAA. Go back to that one, please!

Category Two: Once Relevant But Now Just Misguided

I love relevant nicknames. But sometimes, franchises relocate and they just need to go ahead and bite the bullet and change their names. Otherwise there's a chance of looking pretty dumb in the future.

Bourbon Street, New Orleans, September 2012

29. Utah Jazz

I love the Jazz uniforms, logo and name. Absolutely love them all! I think the analogy of five players improvising on the basketball court around a series of set plays is the perfect reflection of Jazz musicians improvising around a rhythm structure and I love it as a basketball team name. I think it's inventive and original. In fact, I love almost everything about the Jazz concept as a basketball team except one thing: the team is in Utah! The name was perfect in New Orleans where the team started. It just ain't in Utah and there's no two ways about it. Change the name, folks, and feel lucky that the Raptors exist.

28. Los Angeles Lakers

When I look at a map of the city of Los Angeles, I see a few lakes. And I mean a few: four or five maybe. The biggest lake to me seems to be Silver Lake. Zooming out on Google Maps doesn't help; I still don't see a ton of lakes. What gives? Well, the Lakers started life in Minneapolis. When I switch to a map of Minneapolis, I see a lot of lakes and they are big relative to the total city area. When I zoom out (again, on Google Maps), I see a ton more. The Lakers of course were named after Minnesota's state nickname "Land of 1,000 Lakes". That name works in Minnesota, like really well. Not so much in L.A. So I know nobody really wants to hear this, but the Lakers need to change their name. Despite all the history and championships, the name sucks. Do the right thing!

27. Los Angeles Clippers

The Los Angeles Clippers started life in the NBA in 1970 as the Buffalo Braves. In 1978, they moved to San Diego and (smartly) changed their nickname to the Clippers, after the clipper ships common in San Diego's harbor. Great choice. Location specific and unique. Six years later they moved to Los Angeles to become (until recently) the red-headed stepchild to the Lakers. Los Angeles is still on the coast of California, right? So we can just keep the name, right? Well maybe not. Although they did. The port of Los Angeles is not famous for clipper ships. More like cargo ships. Oh well, at least their bad name will always be better than the Lakers' bad name.

26. Memphis Grizzlies

The Grizzlies franchise was founded in Vancouver in 1995 and remained there until 2001 when they moved to Memphis. In 2008, the United States Geology Survey published the results of a six year study  called the Northern Divide Grizzly Bear project which studied the historic and current range of the grizzly bear. Their published study includes the above map. Vancouver is located in the Canadian Province of British Columbia (the area above the upper left of the United States for those of you challenged when it comes to Canadian geography); notice the current grizzly bear territory almost completely covers British Columbia. Now look at Tennessee, which is entirely white. The Grizzlies missed an opportunity to change their names when they moved, although it's not too late. Just don't go back to the Tams. The Grizzlies are the best of the four no longer relevant team names because I'd be afraid meeting a grizzly bear. I'm not afraid of lakes, jazz or clipper ships.

Category Three: Prey

Animal based team names are supposed to instill a certain amount of fear in opponents. In other sports, team names such as the Bears, Tigers, Lions and Sharks do the trick for me. This one doesn't.

25. Milwaukee Bucks

The Milwaukee Bucks name (like some other NBA team nicknames) was selected based on an open entry contest when the team joined the NBA in 1968. The Bucks name, suggested by R.D. Trebilcox of Whitefish Bay won the hearts of the folks deciding which name would be adopted by the team because it represented the fish and game indigenous to the state of Wisconsin. Here's my problem. While I don't want to be staring down a full grown male deer (on my way to work one day I saw one running through Washington Circle en route to who knows where down K Street), bucks are not ferocious hunters. In fact, they are pretty much hunted by everything that might be appropriate as an NBA team nickname. Not ferocious; not good.

Category Four: Just Sort of Boring

There are a lot of NBA franchises with team names which are completely irrelevant to their city. Some of these work and some don't. Some are just boring and generic and could just as well be any team name in any state or city. Despite their mediocrity, these teams finish ahead of really bad names and once relevant names because they just don't suck as much as those other names.

24. Brooklyn Nets

So the name of this franchise refers to the string that hangs below the rim that the basketball goes through when a team scores a bucket. It's a piece of sports equipment and is almost that exciting. The team may as well be names the rims, the backboards, the balls or the courts. None of those is substantially worse than Nets. According to Julius Erving's autobiography (some very light post new year reading for me this year), the name was chosen as much because it rhymed with the Mets and Jets as any other reason. Picking names because they rhyme with other local teams doesn't cut it as a strategy for me. It's boring!

Ummm…yeah. Fearsome!

23. Cleveland Cavaliers

Just like the Milwaukee Bucks, the Cleveland Cavaliers let the public have a hand in picking their team name. This is always a risky proposition, and by no means the last time we will see this strategy for naming a franchise in this three part analysis. In Cleveland's case, the local newspaper, the Plain-Dealer, held a contest to name the newly awarded basketball franchise. Obviously Cavaliers won. Contest winner Jerry Tomko summed his suggestion for the nickname up as "(Cavaliers) represent a group of daring, fearless men, whose life's pact was never surrender, no matter what the odds." Much like the group in the photo above, I imagine. Cavaliers isn't a bad name I guess. It's just non-specific and a little blah. Therefore it finishes in the bottom half of the boring group because well, I just don't like the Cavs and never will.

22. Golden State Warriors

The Golden State Warriors started out in Philadelphia in 1946 (the first year the NBA operated) and moved to San Francisco in 1962 but based on their name, they could have come from anywhere it's just so non-specific. Originally, the Warriors nickname was accompanied by a logo featuring a native American attired in shorts only with a feather in his hair dribbling a basketball. The Warriors have mercifully moved away from this imagery, although the San Francisco Warriors logo did feature a headdress. The latest warrior depiction from the franchise was some sort of muscled futuristic blue guy but the team killed that a couple of years ago and adopted imagery that reflects their city, not their nickname. I guess Warriors is a little fearsome so they finish in the top half of the boring category.

21. Atlanta Hawks

Like the Warriors, the Hawks started out life as a native American moniker. The team started their NBA life in the league's inaugural season as the Tri-Cities Blackhawks. The Tri-Cities in this case were Moline and Rock Island, Illinois and Davenport, Iowa. The Blackhawks were named (as were the NHL's Chicago Blackhawks) after the Sac native American tribe leader Black Hawk (1767-1838). The Sac moved around before being constrained to any one spot by the United States government but they always stayed around the Great Lakes area. In 1951 the franchise shortened their name when they moved to Milwaukee to just simply Hawks. As a team name, it's not bad. Hawks are predators and the team deserves some props for renaming the team, although the Blackhawk name would have still worked in Milwaukee. Nonetheless, there's a boring factor and Atlanta finishes out my bottom ten.

NBA Mascot Rank, Part 3

This post is the third part of my five part series ranking the mascots of all 30 NBA teams on three criteria: name, relevance and appearance. So far I've covered the teams with no mascots and those with irrelevant or puzzling mascots, in addition to some honorable mentions. This halfway point post covers those that are clearly relevant to either their team nicknames or cities but which somehow have one or more fatal flaws. By the end of this post I think we start to see something approaching mascot brilliance, with one clearly clever missed opportunity clouded by the mascot's own alter ego. Or something like that. This time we start north of the border.

18: The Raptor, Toronto Raptors

One of my favorite quotes from the movie Jurassic Park comes from Jeff Goldblum's character Dr. Ian Malcolm. When discovering exactly the extent to which dinosaurs had been created at Jurassic Park, Malcolm famously tells John Hammond, the park's creator, "your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should." I often feel this way about the Toronto Raptors nickname. I realize that dino-fever was sweeping the nation when the Raptors joined the NBA in the mid-1990s but come on...there's no better nickname you can think of for your team? They really were so excited that they could pick the Raptors as their name that they didn't stop to think about whether they should.

OK, so I know I'm ranting about the name of the team and not addressing the mascot but for me, there are a number of teams whose names so handicap their mascots that the things really have no chance whatsoever of succeeding. Case no. 1: The Raptor. I get this mascot. It's a dinosaur and the franchise is named after a dinosaur. Admittedly, this mascot is a little happier (think Barney) than the pack hunting, door opening villain raptors in Jurassic Park so it doesn't really strike fear into the hearts of men or opponents any more than the Raptors team ever has. And it looks OK. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with the appearance of the costume. But the name...ouch! The Raptor? Didn't spend any time thinking that one up did they? Time for a new name and mascot.

17: Rufus T. Lynx, Charlotte Bobcats

Speaking of teams with awful nicknames, the Charlotte Bobcats are the NBA's newest franchise and they didn't manage to come up with a name much better than the Raptors. They joined the league in 2004 after the city's former team, the Hornets, fled for New Orleans to try to succeed where the Jazz could not. The effort to name the latest incarnation of an NBA team in North Carolina included polling local residents on three names: the Bobcats, Dragons and Flight. The team's owner, Bob Johnson, ignored the results of the poll (picking Flight) and chose the Bobcats, fueling speculation that he picked the name so the franchise would be named after him. I'm on board with this speculation 100% and for the last decade, the city of Charlotte has been stuck with a franchise name slightly worse than the performance of the team itself.

So just like the Raptor, the Bobcats' mascot, Rufus T. Lynx, is given a handicap that is almost impossible to overcome. Admittedly, the nickname's not so atrocious that someone couldn't come up with a mascot that approached respectability. But then the folks running this team had to go pick orange as the team's primary color and so they are left with a bright orange cat as their mascot. So on the relevance and appearance scale, Rufus is OK; he's clearly a bobcat, even though I don't think there has ever been an orange one, not even through genetic mutation. And the name's nothing to brag about either, although not naming him "The Bobcat" gets him past The Raptor to the number 17 spot. Let's move on. It's only getting better from here, thank God.

16: Go The Gorilla, Phoenix Suns

If there's a mascot which most knowledgable NBA fans would label as an icon, it might be Go the Gorilla or the Phoenix Suns Gorilla (I confess I didn't know its name was Go until I started writing this). He was inducted into the questionably prestigious Mascot Hall of Fame in its inaugural class along with the Phillie Phanatic and the San Diego Chicken so there are at least a few folks out there who are showing the Gorilla some respect.

But I don't get it. I understand that it's difficult to come up with a Sun mascot (although the Jimmy Dean sun would be an interesting addition to any NBA halftime show in my opinion) but I don't see the connection to a gorilla. I also don't like the name or the costume. It's clearly a guy in a 1970s era gorilla suit. I think I'm influenced by outside forces and peer pressure by putting Go at number 16. I should be ashamed of myself but that's where he stays for now.

15: Grizz The Bear, Memphis Grizzlies

The Memphis Grizzlies' bear, Grizz the Bear, is the first of two consecutive bear mascots in my ranking representing franchises who desperately need to change their names. In one of these two cases, the name change would make the bear mascot more relevant; in Grizz's case, it would make him extinct.  Of all the terrible nicknames in the NBA, the Grizzlies are in my top five franchises who should change their names along with the Lakers (not relevant to L.A.), Raptors (stupid name), Bobcats (stupid name) and Jazz (love it in New Orleans, not so much in Utah). The Grizzlies' name worked great in Vancouver, where the team started out. It just does not work in Memphis.

Having said all that, there is no question that having a bear for a mascot in Memphis is relevant to the franchise's nickname. The name Grizz is weak at best but as we've already seen, there are some really dumb mascot names in the NBA (see number 18 above) and at least he's not just called The Bear (I know I'm beating this point to death). But is this thing really a bear? It looks like a cross between a pig and a character from Planet of the Apes who needs a haircut. I guess I'm giving the Grizzlies the benefit of the doubt on this one and accepting that the mascot is a bear and squeaking Grizz into the top 15. I could easily be second guessed on this one.

14: Jazz Bear, Utah Jazz

On to the next bear...

Now THIS is a real bear mascot. Other than the fact that it's riding a motorcycle (note Clutch the Rockets Bear is also riding a motorcycle in Part 2 of my countdown - curious!) we are without doubt looking at a bear here. It doesn't even need the "Bear" headband around it's noggin. I'd love to see that accessory shipped to Memphis; It would help me believe Grizz is actually a bear. For me, Jazz Bear scores high on the appearance and relevance scale because I believe (without checking here) that there are bears in Utah.

The Jazz Bear name sucks though. This poor franchise has the most irrelevant nickname in pro sports. There is absolutely no excuse for keeping the Jazz name in Utah. Why did anyone ever think it made any sense not to leave the name behind in New Orleans. Appearance is enough here to nudge Jazz Bear ahead of Grizz the Bear and into 14th place.

13:  Sir C. C. and Moondog, Cleveland Cavaliers

Other than being glued to the screen during NBA season and never missing an episode of Game Of Thrones or Boardwalk Empire, I don't watch a lot of television in my spare time. But when I do, I enjoy watching competitive cooking shows (Top Chef, The Next Iron Chef, etc.). Stay with me here just a few more sentences. Every so often in challenges on those shows, a competitor makes two or three dishes when they were charged with making only one. Inevitably, the judges on those shows evaluate that competitor not on the best of the two dishes but on both or, in some cases, the worst. I'm doing that here with the Cavaliers. And I SWEAR it's not because this team beat the Wizards back to back to back in the playoffs recently.

The Cavaliers have two mascots and for the life of me, I can't figure out who is the primary mascot. Admittedly, I've never been to a Cavs game (although I'd love to make it to Cleveland one year for a Wizards game) so my research into this topic has been shallow at best. The Cavs' first mascot is a swashbuckling knight (presumably referencing the cavaliers in King Charles I of England's cavalry) complete with sword and feathered hat shown in the team's other marketing materials; the other mascot is a dog. The cavalier, Sir C.C. (pictured at the top of this post) is terrible; he looks like he has a child's head stuck on top of a way too muscled 17th century horseman's body. Other than being a clear embodiment of the team's nickname, I'm just not on board with this mascot.

The dog (pictured immediately above) on the other hand, is freaking genius as a double entendre. I'm giving the Cavs the benefit of the doubt here and assuming it's a cavalier spaniel, although it looks nothing like a cavalier spaniel other than clearly being a dog. Animal mascots are generally more fun than people based mascots so for me, the Cavs have pulled something off here. But it only gets better. The dog's name is Moondog, which is a reference to Cleveland DJ Alan Freed (nicknamed Moondog) who was a pioneer disk jockey in the early 1950s and is supposedly the originator of the term "rock and roll." There are layers here and I love it. But because the waters are muddied, I'm putting the Cavaliers at the number 13 spot. And again, I SWEAR it's not because this team beat the Wizards back to back to back in the playoffs recently.

Well, maybe a little. :)