This post is the third part of my five part series ranking the mascots of all 30 NBA teams on three criteria: name, relevance and appearance. So far I've covered the teams with no mascots and those with irrelevant or puzzling mascots, in addition to some honorable mentions. This halfway point post covers those that are clearly relevant to either their team nicknames or cities but which somehow have one or more fatal flaws. By the end of this post I think we start to see something approaching mascot brilliance, with one clearly clever missed opportunity clouded by the mascot's own alter ego. Or something like that. This time we start north of the border.
18: The Raptor, Toronto Raptors
One of my favorite quotes from the movie Jurassic Park comes from Jeff Goldblum's character Dr. Ian Malcolm. When discovering exactly the extent to which dinosaurs had been created at Jurassic Park, Malcolm famously tells John Hammond, the park's creator, "your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should." I often feel this way about the Toronto Raptors nickname. I realize that dino-fever was sweeping the nation when the Raptors joined the NBA in the mid-1990s but come on...there's no better nickname you can think of for your team? They really were so excited that they could pick the Raptors as their name that they didn't stop to think about whether they should.
OK, so I know I'm ranting about the name of the team and not addressing the mascot but for me, there are a number of teams whose names so handicap their mascots that the things really have no chance whatsoever of succeeding. Case no. 1: The Raptor. I get this mascot. It's a dinosaur and the franchise is named after a dinosaur. Admittedly, this mascot is a little happier (think Barney) than the pack hunting, door opening villain raptors in Jurassic Park so it doesn't really strike fear into the hearts of men or opponents any more than the Raptors team ever has. And it looks OK. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with the appearance of the costume. But the name...ouch! The Raptor? Didn't spend any time thinking that one up did they? Time for a new name and mascot.
17: Rufus T. Lynx, Charlotte Bobcats
Speaking of teams with awful nicknames, the Charlotte Bobcats are the NBA's newest franchise and they didn't manage to come up with a name much better than the Raptors. They joined the league in 2004 after the city's former team, the Hornets, fled for New Orleans to try to succeed where the Jazz could not. The effort to name the latest incarnation of an NBA team in North Carolina included polling local residents on three names: the Bobcats, Dragons and Flight. The team's owner, Bob Johnson, ignored the results of the poll (picking Flight) and chose the Bobcats, fueling speculation that he picked the name so the franchise would be named after him. I'm on board with this speculation 100% and for the last decade, the city of Charlotte has been stuck with a franchise name slightly worse than the performance of the team itself.
So just like the Raptor, the Bobcats' mascot, Rufus T. Lynx, is given a handicap that is almost impossible to overcome. Admittedly, the nickname's not so atrocious that someone couldn't come up with a mascot that approached respectability. But then the folks running this team had to go pick orange as the team's primary color and so they are left with a bright orange cat as their mascot. So on the relevance and appearance scale, Rufus is OK; he's clearly a bobcat, even though I don't think there has ever been an orange one, not even through genetic mutation. And the name's nothing to brag about either, although not naming him "The Bobcat" gets him past The Raptor to the number 17 spot. Let's move on. It's only getting better from here, thank God.
16: Go The Gorilla, Phoenix Suns
If there's a mascot which most knowledgable NBA fans would label as an icon, it might be Go the Gorilla or the Phoenix Suns Gorilla (I confess I didn't know its name was Go until I started writing this). He was inducted into the questionably prestigious Mascot Hall of Fame in its inaugural class along with the Phillie Phanatic and the San Diego Chicken so there are at least a few folks out there who are showing the Gorilla some respect.
But I don't get it. I understand that it's difficult to come up with a Sun mascot (although the Jimmy Dean sun would be an interesting addition to any NBA halftime show in my opinion) but I don't see the connection to a gorilla. I also don't like the name or the costume. It's clearly a guy in a 1970s era gorilla suit. I think I'm influenced by outside forces and peer pressure by putting Go at number 16. I should be ashamed of myself but that's where he stays for now.
15: Grizz The Bear, Memphis Grizzlies
The Memphis Grizzlies' bear, Grizz the Bear, is the first of two consecutive bear mascots in my ranking representing franchises who desperately need to change their names. In one of these two cases, the name change would make the bear mascot more relevant; in Grizz's case, it would make him extinct. Of all the terrible nicknames in the NBA, the Grizzlies are in my top five franchises who should change their names along with the Lakers (not relevant to L.A.), Raptors (stupid name), Bobcats (stupid name) and Jazz (love it in New Orleans, not so much in Utah). The Grizzlies' name worked great in Vancouver, where the team started out. It just does not work in Memphis.
Having said all that, there is no question that having a bear for a mascot in Memphis is relevant to the franchise's nickname. The name Grizz is weak at best but as we've already seen, there are some really dumb mascot names in the NBA (see number 18 above) and at least he's not just called The Bear (I know I'm beating this point to death). But is this thing really a bear? It looks like a cross between a pig and a character from Planet of the Apes who needs a haircut. I guess I'm giving the Grizzlies the benefit of the doubt on this one and accepting that the mascot is a bear and squeaking Grizz into the top 15. I could easily be second guessed on this one.
14: Jazz Bear, Utah Jazz
On to the next bear...
Now THIS is a real bear mascot. Other than the fact that it's riding a motorcycle (note Clutch the Rockets Bear is also riding a motorcycle in Part 2 of my countdown - curious!) we are without doubt looking at a bear here. It doesn't even need the "Bear" headband around it's noggin. I'd love to see that accessory shipped to Memphis; It would help me believe Grizz is actually a bear. For me, Jazz Bear scores high on the appearance and relevance scale because I believe (without checking here) that there are bears in Utah.
The Jazz Bear name sucks though. This poor franchise has the most irrelevant nickname in pro sports. There is absolutely no excuse for keeping the Jazz name in Utah. Why did anyone ever think it made any sense not to leave the name behind in New Orleans. Appearance is enough here to nudge Jazz Bear ahead of Grizz the Bear and into 14th place.
13: Sir C. C. and Moondog, Cleveland Cavaliers
Other than being glued to the screen during NBA season and never missing an episode of Game Of Thrones or Boardwalk Empire, I don't watch a lot of television in my spare time. But when I do, I enjoy watching competitive cooking shows (Top Chef, The Next Iron Chef, etc.). Stay with me here just a few more sentences. Every so often in challenges on those shows, a competitor makes two or three dishes when they were charged with making only one. Inevitably, the judges on those shows evaluate that competitor not on the best of the two dishes but on both or, in some cases, the worst. I'm doing that here with the Cavaliers. And I SWEAR it's not because this team beat the Wizards back to back to back in the playoffs recently.
The Cavaliers have two mascots and for the life of me, I can't figure out who is the primary mascot. Admittedly, I've never been to a Cavs game (although I'd love to make it to Cleveland one year for a Wizards game) so my research into this topic has been shallow at best. The Cavs' first mascot is a swashbuckling knight (presumably referencing the cavaliers in King Charles I of England's cavalry) complete with sword and feathered hat shown in the team's other marketing materials; the other mascot is a dog. The cavalier, Sir C.C. (pictured at the top of this post) is terrible; he looks like he has a child's head stuck on top of a way too muscled 17th century horseman's body. Other than being a clear embodiment of the team's nickname, I'm just not on board with this mascot.
The dog (pictured immediately above) on the other hand, is freaking genius as a double entendre. I'm giving the Cavs the benefit of the doubt here and assuming it's a cavalier spaniel, although it looks nothing like a cavalier spaniel other than clearly being a dog. Animal mascots are generally more fun than people based mascots so for me, the Cavs have pulled something off here. But it only gets better. The dog's name is Moondog, which is a reference to Cleveland DJ Alan Freed (nicknamed Moondog) who was a pioneer disk jockey in the early 1950s and is supposedly the originator of the term "rock and roll." There are layers here and I love it. But because the waters are muddied, I'm putting the Cavaliers at the number 13 spot. And again, I SWEAR it's not because this team beat the Wizards back to back to back in the playoffs recently.
Well, maybe a little. :)
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