NBA Mascot Rank, Part 4

So here we are at part four of my mascot rankings on the fourth Friday of August 2013. By now, I think we are finally into mascots who are clearly relevant to the teams they represent and for sure either look good or have cool names. We're not quite in the inner circle of mascot royalty; that group comes next week in the fifth and final part of this countdown. We are going to spend a lot of time in the Western Conference today as we count down 12 through 7. Let's get right to it.

12: Crunch, Minnesota Timberwolves

Of all the animal mascots in the NBA, Crunch might be the most realistic, which scores big points with me. This thing actually looks like a semi-credible wolf. Not like he'd be putting fear into me while stalking Liam Neeson in The Grey but if I were lacking my glasses and getting a little senile like 30 years from now, I might actually be shocked to see a wolf roaming around the Target Center. And he's clearly relevant, right? I mean it's a wolf for a team named the Timberwolves.

I'll pass on the name though. Crunch? Crunching bones? Crunch time? Good enough for the top dozen but not super excited. I realize Moondog's continuing to get screwed here. Too bad. Let's move on.

11: Champ, Dallas Mavericks

There are some folks out there who claim that the Mavericks' choice of a horse mascot is inappropriate; that the term maverick only really applies to a calf. Maverick is a word used in the southwestern United States to describe an unbranded range animal. Mavericks were unowned property, able to be claimed by the first person who branded the animal and were admittedly usually cattle. However, there are a few references online to the term maverick applying to a horse so I'm giving the Mavericks the benefit of the doubt here; I may be doing the wrong thing by allowing this but they beat the Heat two years ago in the Finals so they get some allowance for that.

Accepting the horse as an appropriate mascot, Champ looks pretty good. He's clearly a horse or probably more accurately his head clearly resembles a horse and graphically he works pretty well. If this had been three years ago, I would have had real issue with the name Champ since at that time the Mavericks never had been champions. But since 2011, the name is more than appropriate. Thumbs up for this mascot.

10: Slamson, Sacramento Kings

There's a total love-hate thing going on for me with this mascot. On simply an appearance basis, there's no way Slamson should rank as high as 10th in this or any other countdown. It's just not a good look. It's barely obvious that it's a lion, perhaps a little less believable than Bert Lahr's cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz. I totally realize that the cowardly lion had the benefit of makeup and not having to do backflip dunks in front of thousands of people but The Wizard of Oz was also made in 1939 for crying out loud. Surely this mascot could look a little better given the 74 years that have transpired since '39.

But on a name and relevance basis, Slamson's pretty cool. The relevance is obviously based on the Kings name translating to king of the jungle. Alright, good choice. I'm a believer. Samson's a great name choice for a lion because in the Bible, Samson's encounter with a lion is an important event in his life. I realize now we are one degree of separation from King but I'm still believing. Finally, I like the small alteration of Samson to Slamson to tie it all back to basketball. Terrible looking mascot but I get the name and relevance. It works for me.

9: Hooper, Detroit Pistons

Just like Slamson, I find the Pistons' mascot, Hooper, very appealing in two of my three evaluation criteria. Unlike Slamson, whose name I find awesome, Hooper's name sucks. I mean, OK, it's relevant to basketball but the name could be applied to a mascot anywhere in the country with any other team nickname and it would be no less or more relevant.

On the positive side, I do find a horse mascot to be relevant in Detroit and here I'm making a (not too far fetched) leap of faith from Pistons to cars to horsepower to horses. The Pistons' ugliest uniforms ever in the early 2000s featured a horse so I don't think I'm making a blind leap here. I also love the appearance of Hooper. In fact, I believe I'd feel comfortable saying that Hooper is maybe the best looking mascot in the NBA. He's well designed and straddles the line between real horse and cartoon like horse pretty well. Despite all that praise, Hooper only finishes ninth.

8: Rumble The Bison, Oklahoma City Thunder

Animal mascots abound in the NBA. There are cats of every size, a few bears, a mixed pack of dogs, a couple of horses, a cow, a bird, a deer and a gorilla. Are any of those animals cooler than a Bison? I think not. I remember my excitement in Yellowstone National Park when I saw my first wild bison. And while Rumble the Bison doesn't come close to that experience, having a bison for a mascot is pretty damn cool. I'm almost jealous. Almost!

So not withstanding the coolness of the bison (which let's face it is the reason for the number eight spot), Rumble is an OK looking mascot and he's clearly relevant to the history of Oklahoma. He also ties in pretty well with the hints of native American motifs in the Thunder's logo and color scheme. The existence of several native American tribes was pretty much tied wholeheartedly to the buffalo. I also like the name a lot. Rumble evokes the sound of the bison herds running across the plains but clearly hits high on the word association with the team's nickname.

7: The Coyote, San Antonio Spurs

OK, so I know I ranted about the name of Toronto's mascot "The Raptor" because of the utter lack of creativity in its name. So how can I rank a mascot called "The Coyote" so high? Isn't that just a little hypocritical? The answer is no, and I can explain.

First, the name of the franchise is not the San Antonio Coyotes so making the leap from the franchise name to a regionally recognizable animal gets the Spurs some points here. I realize it is near impossible to make a mascot out of an actual spur, but that didn't stop the Rockets picking bear or the Pacers and Trail Blazers coming up with a cat. At least the Spurs picked an animal relevant to the state of Texas where the franchise is located.

Secondly, The Coyote is missing the Barney factor that haunts The Raptor. Granted, this coyote isn't going to put any fear into opponents much more than Toronto's mascot but at least I don't have "I love you, you love me..." going through my head when I see it (you're singing that song now, aren't you?). 

But finally, and most importantly, The Coyote is credited with inventing the t-shirt cannon. It's true. The t-shirt cannon is so important to the daily lives of mascots in getting fans fired up for free crap, that this reason more than any other is why The Coyote is not only 11 spots ahead of The Raptor, but also gets the seventh spot, ahead of arguably stronger competition. He's a pioneer like no other mascot. 'Nuff said.

One more part to go. Remaining teams in alphabetical order: Atlanta Hawks, Chicago Bulls, Denver Nuggets, Milwaukee Bucks, Orlando Magic, Washington Wizards.