NBA Mascot Rank, Part 2

I know what you are thinking, Sly. I'd be pissed about the Knight too.

Last week I posted the first part of my NBA mascot rank, an all too detailed ranking of all things mascot in my favorite sports league. That countdown continues in this Part 2, which deals with mascots who are just barely making the minimum amount of effort to be a mascot or are confusingly relevant/irrelevant. We start in the northeast.

24: Lucky the Leprechaun, Boston Celtics

Of all the teams that actually have a mascot, the Celtics mascot, Lucky the Leprechaun, is the absolute worst and therefore ranks lowest of all the primary mascots in my countdown. Memo to the Celtics: dressing a guy in clothes with no mask, no fake fur or outrageous costume does not constitute a mascot. It's just a dude in a green costume and a sometimes beard.

All the tradition and pride that comes with the Celtics organization just isn't enough to compensate for this guy walking around looking for his pot of gold. He even appears in the media guide as the mascot. There's no illusion here and it's just no fun. Marginally better than having no mascot but hands down the worst primary mascot in the NBA. But not by much...

23: BrooklyKnight, Brooklyn Nets

Before the 2012-2013 NBA season, the Nets moved from New Jersey to Brooklyn in what was supposed to be some sort of glorious return to the city where they started some 40 plus years earlier as part of the now defunct ABA. As part of the move, the Nets rebranded their entire franchise, which included everything from their uniforms to their mascot.

When the team was located in New Jersey, the Nets' mascot was a silver fox, whatever that is. This has to be one of the more puzzling mascots of all time. When I think of the Nets franchise, whether it's in New Jersey or in New York, I do not think of a fox. I don't know how I would necessarily create a mascot to represent a team called the Nets, but a fox wouldn't spring to mind in any way. So when the Nets left Jersey after 35 seasons there, they understandably left Sly the Silver Fox to fend for himself in the swamps of northern New Jersey. They had to replace him with something more relevant and cool, right?

Wrong! Instead of a silver fox, the Nets' mascot last year was a knight. But not just a regular knight. The new Nets' mascot is a superhero sort of futuristic knight. Huh?? Yes, that's an appropriate reaction. Totally not relevant. I generally like what the Nets did in re-branding themselves. I think their black and white road unis are really cool (even if their homes look like some sort of upgraded junior high school gym clothes); I love the updated parquet floor; and I even think the name of their dance squad, the Brooklynettes, is really inventive. But I can't see the knight sticking around long. Brooklyn's supposed to be gritty, right? The knight's not.

22: Burnie, Miami Heat

Oh, God...really?!?! What on Earth is this thing?

How do I start to explain the Miami Heat mascot? It's an orange flame with a basketball nose and white hair? Yep, that's about it. I'm sincerely hoping the Heat got a discount for this thing. How did the advertising executives paid to come up with a mascot pitch this to the team? I can only imagine them saying what I said at the beginning of this paragraph in a very guilty sheepish way knowing that they cooked this thing up the morning after a South Beach bender in about 15 minutes. They must have gone straight back to the bar after selling this bill of goods for a celebration. At least they got a better name than the mascot itself. Burnie. Get it? It's a real name (Bernie) but also a fire reference ("Burn"-ie). Cool, right? Umm...maybe not. It's a commentary on how bad most mascots are that the Heat finish 22nd here.

21: Clutch the Rockets Bear, Houston Rockets

Clutch is the first of three consecutive mascots in my ranking that beg the question "What does that animal have to do with the city or franchise it represents?" And it's a legitimate question. I'm shaking my head here.

Clutch was invented after the Rockets won their first NBA Championship in 1994, a response to a headline in the Houston Chronicle earlier that postseason declaring Houston "Choke City" after the Rockets blew a game when up 20. So naturally after the team brought home the city's first NBA title, the impulse is to create a mascot to show those bastards over at the Chronicle, right? I get the nickname; it's not bad. But a bear? Do they even have bears in Houston?? And one that looks like this? It looks like a happier version of Ted from the movie of the same name. I don't understand it at all.

Sorry, Clutch, you may be in the now defunct Mascot Hall of Fame (a dubious distinction at best), but in my book you are good enough to finish one notch ahead of Burnie. Not doing it for me.

20: Boomer, Indiana Pacers

Next up in the animal-mascots-with-no-relevance-to-the-franchise-or-city category: Boomer the cat, the Indiana Pacers' mascot.

By all accounts, the Indiana Pacers were named either for Indiana's famous pacer horses or for the Indianapolis 500's pace car. So I'm thinking either race car or horse, right? Nope. The Pacers have a cat. OK, I admit, unlike bears in Houston, there are actually cats in Indiana. That's probably the only reason the Pacers finish ahead of the Rockets in this ranking.

But I think the Pacers really missed an opportunity for a double entendre mascot here a la the Cleveland Cavaliers mascot (just wait until next week). There was potential for something really clever here with a horse mascot. Instead, the cat misses the mark. Next!

19: Blaze the Trail Cat, Portland Trail Blazers

Another cat? Really?

The Portland Trail Blazers, in my opinion, have one of the coolest names in the NBA. The franchise is named for the settlers that came to Oregon via the Oregon Trail. Not a very obvious reference for the casual observer but what an awesome nickname.

I think the Trail Blazers were in a tough spot mascot-wise with this nickname which is probably why they finish one notch ahead of the Pacers with their non-relevant feline mascot. Much like the Nets, I have a difficult time imagining a mascot representing the team. Dressing someone up like a settler or a Conestoga wagon just doesn't seem to make any sense. They finish ahead of the Pacers here because they have a more difficult task so defaulting to a cat seems more forgivable.

But that name...I don't know. Boomer's not much better but "Blaze the Trail Cat"? Come on. The Blazers close out the bottom 40% in my ranking.